Frenemy number 1, part 2
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And then for me to go out of my fucking way to sit down and talk to that bitch out of respect- out of respect!!!! And immediately it pissed her off. Bc Im not fucking allowed to have emotions. Im not allowed to have fucking feelings. Only her. Horrible wretched bitch. I hate her man. I fucking hate her. You know how hard it was to talk to her in person??? Do you have any fucking idea how hard that was? The way she acted- not the first fucking time she acted that way. I knew what her response was going to be. I could have taken the punk way out and emailed her. That would have been so easy for me to do. But I felt like that would be a slap in the face to her. I felt like after all these years she deserved better than that. Fuck her. She was instantly furious the second I said I wanted to talk to her. Instantly horrible. Instantly mean. She said I always need to do this. She said I need to put things in their own little boxes on the shelf or wherever I need to put them. She mentioned all of the many things she has done for me and basically used that as an explanation as to why I should overlook everything she does. Fuck her. I hate that more than anything. Anyone that knows me for more than 10 minutes knows that about me. Grrrrrrr. Its true she has helped me tremendously- but I've helped her to. I dont expect people to just take my shit bc Ive helped them. Helping someone doesnt mean you get to treat them like their nothing and they dont have the right to say shit about it. Never. It never ever means that. If I had one thing to say to every person that enters my life its this- if at some point you're going to throw all the things you've done to help me in my face- if the price for your "help" means I have to swallow all your disrespect- then save the help bc I dont fucking want it. Not now. Not Ever. It costs too much. Its costs way too much. My family seems to abide by that rule. Never again. I will never allow myself to deal with that shit again. I dont fucking deserve it. Im really mad and upset with myself for ever believing that I did deserve it. No one put a gun to my head. I signed up for it. Never again. This is the last time.
And then for me to go out of my fucking way to sit down and talk to that bitch out of respect- out of respect!!!! And immediately it pissed her off. Bc Im not fucking allowed to have emotions. Im not allowed to have fucking feelings. Only her. Horrible wretched bitch. I hate her man. I fucking hate her. You know how hard it was to talk to her in person??? Do you have any fucking idea how hard that was? The way she acted- not the first fucking time she acted that way. I knew what her response was going to be. I could have taken the punk way out and emailed her. That would have been so easy for me to do. But I felt like that would be a slap in the face to her. I felt like after all these years she deserved better than that. Fuck her. She was instantly furious the second I said I wanted to talk to her. Instantly horrible. Instantly mean. She said I always need to do this. She said I need to put things in their own little boxes on the shelf or wherever I need to put them. She mentioned all of the many things she has done for me and basically used that as an explanation as to why I should overlook everything she does. Fuck her. I hate that more than anything. Anyone that knows me for more than 10 minutes knows that about me. Grrrrrrr. Its true she has helped me tremendously- but I've helped her to. I dont expect people to just take my shit bc Ive helped them. Helping someone doesnt mean you get to treat them like their nothing and they dont have the right to say shit about it. Never. It never ever means that. If I had one thing to say to every person that enters my life its this- if at some point you're going to throw all the things you've done to help me in my face- if the price for your "help" means I have to swallow all your disrespect- then save the help bc I dont fucking want it. Not now. Not Ever. It costs too much. Its costs way too much. My family seems to abide by that rule. Never again. I will never allow myself to deal with that shit again. I dont fucking deserve it. Im really mad and upset with myself for ever believing that I did deserve it. No one put a gun to my head. I signed up for it. Never again. This is the last time.
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