freedom
feel so lucky.
this morning i woke up and just yearned for freedom. freedom to do and be whoever
i wanted to be. felt trapped by the morning of duties here at the monastery - but
then we had morning meal and the reading during the meal - and all of it - just helped
me get back to a place of belonging and happiness. I feel very very lucky to be here.
I also was thinking about art - and how it's important for me to know that 'there is no best art'
but there is the need 'to have an audience for your art'- that would keep me producing viably
and i think, i know it's a process of getting my art out there to be seen and known. Right now
I do it for myself - and the self promotion aspect of it I have yet come into. Never say never!
It's a sunny pretty day here - I hope you guys have a good one out there!!
I'm taking my friend Aemiliane and the Holy Abess Sidonia out for dinner tonight.
My way of saying 'thank you.' :)
Replies
Gratitude is such a wonderful feeling!!
I'm glad being with your family at the Monestary brought it out sweetie
I hope that you have a lovely dinner with friends
It's so nice that you're treating them!!...xo
thanks janet!
can i raise a cynical eyebrow at you crediting your lack of freedom on your monk mates. them highfalutin ideals are tougher prison guards than other people have the time to be.
set yourself free. bee you.
Thanks Arfie, today I fell into a big depression. Stuck in this place, having to deal with how ill prepared for life I am and having to just deal with it. I’m in a whole world here daily. It’s what a therapist once said I needed ‘a whole world.’ I’d love to set myself free. Time to keep saving and investing!
It’s definitely a company culture here. I’ve experienced it before in the corporate world. It’s interesting to see it as a ‘way’ of expressing life and yet we all have ways we express things. Ways ways ways
I wrote the above while in between elements of the service. I got on the kick of 'ways' because the memory of my mother
was haunting me - always pecking away at me in terms of the way I did this or that - I used to call her a name that had
to do that she thought there was a way to do everything. It was total bs. But the inner attacks tonight made me realize that
everyone has ways to do stuff - and that thought kind of broke me away from 'ways ways ways'. They see me as a beast of burden
here- I may be able to find a community and work somewhere else....
Big hug sweetie
I've been feeling low as well
I'm wondering if the winter blahs have anything to do with it??..xo
Thanks Jan!
hmmmm. . . i've always imagined that monastic life was closer to a military/volunteer structure. those corporate folks usually go home at the end of the day. to my psycho senses, living where i work is a far cry from having a home far removed from my work stresses. personally, i do better with the live-in structure. i ended my attempts to navigate corporate life with a sense of premeditated schizophrenia. connecting my corporate protocols to my domestic protocols was more than this nutjob could handle. changing from my steel toed boots to my mommy heels was a daily mind-fuck. i like the consistency of living where i work. same me, 24/7.