Free of the wound vacc!
This past Wednesday, the wound clinic doctors took me off the wound vacc! The open wounds that happened post-op of my breast reduction have finally begun healing well enough that now I'm applying honey and keeping them covered. Three smaller areas have already healed up, and there is visible evidence that the larger wounds are healing as well - they are growing smaller, as the skin regenerates from the edges to the center. Already, the tunnel-wound has healed, leaving a shallow pit that is shrinking daily. Things aren't perfect, but they're improving, for which I am very grateful. Considering the sizes of the open wounds when this nightmare began, I'm seeing rapid and massive improvement.
I'm still forbidden to do any work - no using my arms to do anything more than type or lift a gallon jug of anything. Which sucks, since this is normally my best sales season with my ceramics/pottery business. So, I'm out of work, and have no income beyond the small amount the VA pays me for my service-related disability. All of that isn't even enough to pay two of my bills; let alone survive on. Still, I'll find a way. I won't let it stop me.
Emotionally, I've been having ups and downs. Most of my downs right now are due to lack of money to pay the bills with; nothing really new there. Money's always been tight, and never enough to cover everything. Things are just tighter, and less well covered. But, I have a roof, for now; and food on the table, and my two furry friends to love. Life is never perfect; so I'm grateful for what I have.
I heard from an old old ex-boyfriend - haven't seen him in decades - and told him the truth (that I'm a FTM) - and he wasn't fazed by it in the least. He's been very supportive, and still wants to be close friends. I was very surprised by that, and it lifted my spirits. I had been afraid he'd want nothing to do with me once he knew; but he was fine with it.
The doctors are hinting that everything might be healed by mid-November; I hope so. But I'll take things a day at a time. I want to go faster, but I have to allow my body to go at its own pace. Each stage of transition must wait for the last stage to completely heal before the doctors will let me move forward. So, I follow instructions and rest a lot, and try not to lift anything heavier than one of my cats.
My mother has begun showing signs that she's really accepting me as a son, not a daughter anymore - slowly, yes, but she's seen me as a female for over 45 years now. She's trying to help me find the right "look" for myself as the guy I am inside. This has meant the world to me - that she's willing to make this adjustment and stand by me. I was so certain she'd reject me, ... I almost decided not to ever tell her - just vanish and never come back, so she'd never know. I had everything planned out,... but in my heart, I knew I couldn't leave without knowing if she could - or would - accept me for who I actually am. She was the second person I told; the first in my large family. I haven't actually told most of the others - I think they'll figure it out soon enough. I'm betting Mom has mentioned it to some of them, so they won't be floored when I change my name and gender legally some months from now.
I also caught up with one of my gay friends - hadn't seen him in years. He introduced me to his HUSBAND!! YAY!! They got LEGALLY married in another state - sooo very happy for them both! We talked, and I told them about my beginning transitioning, and they were both very supportive and happy for me. We're setting up to keep in better touch and see each other more often - mutual support and friendship. Just another one of life's surprises. I also caught up with a young MTF I'd met a year ago - and we exchanged contact info so I can send her some of the things the VA sent me that I don't need but she does need to ease her transitioning... like the topical hormones to slow/prevent facial hair growth. Yes, the VA put me on that, because I grow a heavier facial beard than some men can. Nevermind that I WANT the beard now that I'm transitioning - they felt women shouldn't have such facial hair,... and I'm still a woman to the VA until the shrinks say otherwise - two days before Christmas, at my appointment. So, why waste the medication? Let someone who needs it get use of it. No different than giving away the nice feminine clothes I had to someone else who needs - and will wear - them.
One more thing I have discovered about myself - I'm ready to be rid of a great deal of my stuff - not just clothing I won't wear again, but physical possessions from my past. I'm mentally and emotionally ready to move on. Another step in freeing myself. I'm even looking forward to it. I no longer need to hide behind my belongings, so I am free to part with them.
I have a cold right now, and wounds that are still healing; but I feel like dancing for joy. Life will never be perfect, but it's getting better, even as some things get worse. I can't even buy a stick of gum, but I am so much richer in my soul that it doesn't really matter.
I'm still forbidden to do any work - no using my arms to do anything more than type or lift a gallon jug of anything. Which sucks, since this is normally my best sales season with my ceramics/pottery business. So, I'm out of work, and have no income beyond the small amount the VA pays me for my service-related disability. All of that isn't even enough to pay two of my bills; let alone survive on. Still, I'll find a way. I won't let it stop me.
Emotionally, I've been having ups and downs. Most of my downs right now are due to lack of money to pay the bills with; nothing really new there. Money's always been tight, and never enough to cover everything. Things are just tighter, and less well covered. But, I have a roof, for now; and food on the table, and my two furry friends to love. Life is never perfect; so I'm grateful for what I have.
I heard from an old old ex-boyfriend - haven't seen him in decades - and told him the truth (that I'm a FTM) - and he wasn't fazed by it in the least. He's been very supportive, and still wants to be close friends. I was very surprised by that, and it lifted my spirits. I had been afraid he'd want nothing to do with me once he knew; but he was fine with it.
The doctors are hinting that everything might be healed by mid-November; I hope so. But I'll take things a day at a time. I want to go faster, but I have to allow my body to go at its own pace. Each stage of transition must wait for the last stage to completely heal before the doctors will let me move forward. So, I follow instructions and rest a lot, and try not to lift anything heavier than one of my cats.
My mother has begun showing signs that she's really accepting me as a son, not a daughter anymore - slowly, yes, but she's seen me as a female for over 45 years now. She's trying to help me find the right "look" for myself as the guy I am inside. This has meant the world to me - that she's willing to make this adjustment and stand by me. I was so certain she'd reject me, ... I almost decided not to ever tell her - just vanish and never come back, so she'd never know. I had everything planned out,... but in my heart, I knew I couldn't leave without knowing if she could - or would - accept me for who I actually am. She was the second person I told; the first in my large family. I haven't actually told most of the others - I think they'll figure it out soon enough. I'm betting Mom has mentioned it to some of them, so they won't be floored when I change my name and gender legally some months from now.
I also caught up with one of my gay friends - hadn't seen him in years. He introduced me to his HUSBAND!! YAY!! They got LEGALLY married in another state - sooo very happy for them both! We talked, and I told them about my beginning transitioning, and they were both very supportive and happy for me. We're setting up to keep in better touch and see each other more often - mutual support and friendship. Just another one of life's surprises. I also caught up with a young MTF I'd met a year ago - and we exchanged contact info so I can send her some of the things the VA sent me that I don't need but she does need to ease her transitioning... like the topical hormones to slow/prevent facial hair growth. Yes, the VA put me on that, because I grow a heavier facial beard than some men can. Nevermind that I WANT the beard now that I'm transitioning - they felt women shouldn't have such facial hair,... and I'm still a woman to the VA until the shrinks say otherwise - two days before Christmas, at my appointment. So, why waste the medication? Let someone who needs it get use of it. No different than giving away the nice feminine clothes I had to someone else who needs - and will wear - them.
One more thing I have discovered about myself - I'm ready to be rid of a great deal of my stuff - not just clothing I won't wear again, but physical possessions from my past. I'm mentally and emotionally ready to move on. Another step in freeing myself. I'm even looking forward to it. I no longer need to hide behind my belongings, so I am free to part with them.
I have a cold right now, and wounds that are still healing; but I feel like dancing for joy. Life will never be perfect, but it's getting better, even as some things get worse. I can't even buy a stick of gum, but I am so much richer in my soul that it doesn't really matter.
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