Freaky nightmares, again...

Dear DS diary,
I'm sorry for essentially disappearing the last few days...apparently, I've been stress-sick or something, because I only started to feel better after extracurricular activity in the toilet last night.
I had another really freaky nightmare this week.  It kept me from sleeping restfully on election night and even woke me up for an hour and a half.  I know the circumstances surrounding it.
On the Massachusetts ballot this year were four ballot initiatives, one of which would have repealed a law established a couple of years ago that legalized casino gambling in the state.  It's not well known because I don't talk about it much, but I did have one episode with gambling when I had one of my desperation panic attacks when I was between jobs...this was before I pursued my AS in paralegal studies and before I held the part-time job that I currently have.
I came to my senses after dropping $150 at some online casino site that I don't remember, but I know there are many others out there who are not so lucky.  Concerned about the social cost, among other things, I voted for the repeal, which failed.
I kinda expected that to happen, but I knew if I didn't vote my heart my conscience would be on me for at least the next 20 years, which is not an exaggeration considering that some of my worst scars are that old.
One of these casinos is going to be built in Everett, which is not that far a drive from my house.  This is a problem: There are no problem gamblers in my house -- my dad does play the lottery on occasion but I never see him play more than a couple of dollars at a time -- but with one that's going to be so relatively close, I'm really afraid of what will happen if my parents decide to go once it opens and tag me along for the ride.
Logically, I know I can refuse that, but knowing my running episodes when things are just too much, there's no guarantee if I really find myself in a hole from a morale standpoint.  And I played enough SimCity in my younger ears to know that where there are casinos, crime tends to follow.
I know it's a convoluted way of putting things, but the end result of the nightmare is that I'm more afraid to expose myself than ever.  I tried to explain it to a FB friend whose Halloween party I took a flyer on because I didn't feel safe, and she didn't understand why I felt I had to apologize...if I felt anywhere near as safe as I wished I was I would have been there because I had an open night on my hands.  I could see a thought balloon that simply showed "?" in her response.
Since the Ottawa nightmare, I've been afraid to even go out solo.  I might force myself to tomorrow, just to downtown, but in my heart I know my odds are not good of it doing much.  I pretty much have to wait for January -- the earliest I can see my next pdoc because my current one has left the practice (fourth time in a year's span I've had to deal with that), to start over from the looks of it.
I tried to talk about networking with my life coach on Tuesday, but we didn't get far on that.  As long as I'm not feeling safe, so much so that I don't want to go out, any attempt on that just isn't going to fly.