Freaking Out! (quietly on the inside)
I am freaking out very quietly and on the inside because my kids are out of school and they are young and don't need to be mentally scarred by their mom sobbing.
I am not doing well today. I am still feeling very fatigued, like everything is taking twice as much energy to do. I can feel my heartbeat when I exert myself, my chest at times feels fluttery like my heart has to work harder, and it also feels like it is harder to breath then it should be. Also my stomach has been hurting but that could be the anxiety or the prilosec that I have started taking to help with my acid reflux.
I am so scared that it is something horrible. I have had blood work done CBC w/differental, TSH, glucose, and others, it all came back fine. Which is great but now what? Where do I go from here? I honestly thought I would be anemic or have a thyroid issue due to the fatigue and hair loss. I want to go back to my doctor but I can't till Friday and even then we probably shouldn't spend the money as we are living paycheck to paycheck, so now I have guilt. Also I am a born again Christian so I also have guilt that I am not trusting God like I should, because really I need to just lay it all in his hands, but I don't.
Also what I fear is that it is cancer and that it has spread and there is no hope for me. Because I watched two grandparents die rather quickly from cancer found to late. Then the 3rd grandparent battled cancer off and on for over five years only for it to come back. So either way it is my worst fear. And I do realize at 35 I am still not in the prime age for getting some form of cancer but that doesn't sound as reassuring as it did at 25. Especially since my cousin who is a year younger then me got breast cancer a couple of years ago. She had to go through cemo, and radiation and is doing better now.
Now everytime I feel a pain I think about it being cancer. Stomach/intestine pain cancer, rectum pain (colon cancer) even though that had been checked out and it was hemorrhoids and had a barium enema and everything, still worry they missed something and it is to late. In my brain it all leads back to some sort of fatal cancer.
I don't want to feel this way I just want everything to be better.
My husband thinks that it is because of my miscarrage and I thought that as well for about a month and then when I was still exhausted and fatigued I started to think it was something else. It could be hormonal which was set off by my miscarrage but IDK!!!
That's just it IDK, knowledge is power and I feel like I am drowning in my ignorance.
(Please Lord help me!! I desperately need your guiding hand now.)
I am not doing well today. I am still feeling very fatigued, like everything is taking twice as much energy to do. I can feel my heartbeat when I exert myself, my chest at times feels fluttery like my heart has to work harder, and it also feels like it is harder to breath then it should be. Also my stomach has been hurting but that could be the anxiety or the prilosec that I have started taking to help with my acid reflux.
I am so scared that it is something horrible. I have had blood work done CBC w/differental, TSH, glucose, and others, it all came back fine. Which is great but now what? Where do I go from here? I honestly thought I would be anemic or have a thyroid issue due to the fatigue and hair loss. I want to go back to my doctor but I can't till Friday and even then we probably shouldn't spend the money as we are living paycheck to paycheck, so now I have guilt. Also I am a born again Christian so I also have guilt that I am not trusting God like I should, because really I need to just lay it all in his hands, but I don't.
Also what I fear is that it is cancer and that it has spread and there is no hope for me. Because I watched two grandparents die rather quickly from cancer found to late. Then the 3rd grandparent battled cancer off and on for over five years only for it to come back. So either way it is my worst fear. And I do realize at 35 I am still not in the prime age for getting some form of cancer but that doesn't sound as reassuring as it did at 25. Especially since my cousin who is a year younger then me got breast cancer a couple of years ago. She had to go through cemo, and radiation and is doing better now.
Now everytime I feel a pain I think about it being cancer. Stomach/intestine pain cancer, rectum pain (colon cancer) even though that had been checked out and it was hemorrhoids and had a barium enema and everything, still worry they missed something and it is to late. In my brain it all leads back to some sort of fatal cancer.
I don't want to feel this way I just want everything to be better.
My husband thinks that it is because of my miscarrage and I thought that as well for about a month and then when I was still exhausted and fatigued I started to think it was something else. It could be hormonal which was set off by my miscarrage but IDK!!!
That's just it IDK, knowledge is power and I feel like I am drowning in my ignorance.
(Please Lord help me!! I desperately need your guiding hand now.)
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