Fragments
Fragments of sentences. Unfinished thoughts. Losing articulation. Reality blurs into shadows. Figments of my imagination. They are more real than tangible objects. Am'thyst is dead and no one cares. No one "gets" it. I can't communicate. Random words escape my mouth. Puzzled looks; the only reply. Questions. Then more questions. I cannot answer questions. There is no cure. My brain deteriorates daily. No one understands. Doctors want to shock me. Make me a zombie. Living dead. I'm already there. My family mourns my death. I sit across from them; tears well up in their eyes. I am dead. They see living flesh. They expect me to speak. They expect me to live. They expect me to feel. But I am dead. No one understands. I can't communicate. Only fragments. Fragmented mind. Fragmented speech. Fragmented life. Nothing connects. Nothing makes sense. Emotions are dull. I cannot feel. I want to run away. Stop hurting the people I love. I'm already dead. They already mourn. Better to disappear. Then they can heal. Then I won't hurt them. Time. Everything will be ok. Better. The best I can do. Trying to explain. Nothing makes sense. The world is ending. I am dead. I cannot explain. Understand me.
Replies
I do :)) My Grandad had it following a `nervous breakdown`
I know its not something to rush into, but scientifically it works. They wouldnt suggest it if they didnt think it would help.. They aint that barbaric, honest :)) n honey if yr that dead inside, what can it hurt? It wont turn u into a zombie, far from it!
I only ever deal in fragments anyway.. My life is one shattered fragment, my mind doesnt stop long enough..
Its the lithium that makes me feel so dead inside :(
But I do understand, truly :)) I may not euthanize it the same, but yr version strike home well enough..
Please dont run away from yr family, that would hurt them more so than any of this.. They wouldnt be there 4u if they didnt wanna be :))
U aint alone Hon, u just feel it at the mo.. Just prod me if ever u wanna off-load.. Take care girl xxxxx
Hi I read your journal and had felt your pain in the past. Im sorry you are feeling so depressed. I f you ever want to talk I m here Mike