Forgive me...
Forgive me, for I have sinned. It has been 2 months and 2 days since my last "confession." I'm not Catholic, so that's all I know. At any rate, I have been suspecting that he has still been seeing his floozy girlfriend, but haven't really had any proof because he's been keeping his phone pretty clean lately (suspiciously empty call logs, email, and text messages). However, yesterday I had fallen asleep on the couch for a nap. I awoke to the tv very loud and my husband in the shower. He was sick this weekend so I thought, now's the time to check his phone...maybe he has been slack. I only had a couple of minutes. I found text messages b/t himself and his g/f. I didn't have enough time to check his email, other than look at the first few messages in his inbox. Nothing there, but could've been something in his sent or other files. I didn't have time to check them, though. The text messages were regarding his canceling their scheduled lunch plans for Saturday (?) and to tell her he was sick (which he was. Noro virus is a horrible illness). Why am I defending him? So stupid! Also a text b/t him and his drug dealer that he needed to wait until he was feeling better to buy some more of whatever he uses. I still didn't talk to him about any of this.
Today, I emailed an attorney about a potential consultation. Still haven't heard back yet, but I'm hoping to hear something soon. She is representing one of my best friends and comes highly regarded. Hopefully, I can find the money to meet. Yesterday, after finding more texts, I really began feeling what I think I've been experiencing for some days (weeks ?) now...Resentment. I know God doesn't want us to be resentful or hold resentment, so I'm praying about this. Still, I'm hoping it can, for now, propel me to make some definitive decisions. And get the frigging guts to confront him and leave. Why is this so difficult? Why can't I just sit him down, like I have a million times in my mind, and calmly state the facts: that I know what I know and I want a separation. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way, but it seems like that is how it's going to be, if I don't make some changes myself. I guess I'm afraid of his reaction, manipulation, or the destruction of my things (not that he's ever done that, but still...).
Any feedback from anyone with regard to how it went when you confronted your cs? Thanks.
Today, I emailed an attorney about a potential consultation. Still haven't heard back yet, but I'm hoping to hear something soon. She is representing one of my best friends and comes highly regarded. Hopefully, I can find the money to meet. Yesterday, after finding more texts, I really began feeling what I think I've been experiencing for some days (weeks ?) now...Resentment. I know God doesn't want us to be resentful or hold resentment, so I'm praying about this. Still, I'm hoping it can, for now, propel me to make some definitive decisions. And get the frigging guts to confront him and leave. Why is this so difficult? Why can't I just sit him down, like I have a million times in my mind, and calmly state the facts: that I know what I know and I want a separation. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way, but it seems like that is how it's going to be, if I don't make some changes myself. I guess I'm afraid of his reaction, manipulation, or the destruction of my things (not that he's ever done that, but still...).
Any feedback from anyone with regard to how it went when you confronted your cs? Thanks.
Replies
Its horrible how they do all of this damage yet we have to travel the moral high ground?
Hang in there and best wishes
From what I\'ve read, heard, and experienced...be prepared for lies and half-truths, and deception, and more lies, and anger that you would accuse or blame him for what he\'s done. If I had to do it all over again (hope I never find myself in this/that situation ever again) I wouldn\'t give her a chance to even contemplate a defense. I would do as you are doing. Prepare yourself, be ready to cut him out of your life, file for divorce, and then, if he says he wants to reconcile...have a list of terms and demands that he has to meet in order to save your marriage. Number one would be not one single itty bitty bit of a lie. No minimizing, no twisting blame for what he has done. Tell him you have been going through hell, and if he thinks it\'s going to be easy for him to restore your trust, restore your love, and restore your marriage...then you already know that he has no idea what he has done to you. Write a letter, hand it to him, and tell him to sit down and read every last word before he speaks to you again. One other piece of advice, case you haven\'t done this yet...what kind of phone does he have? I would resist checking his phone anymore, and instead find a program specific for his type of phone, and when you get the chance, do a full backup of his phone. That can take time, though...but, if he hasn\'t password/passcode protected it, it should be pretty simple. That being said, I would also recommend only doing it once, just enough to have some evidence...because reading it all will drive you insane. Got long-winded there...hope you\'re hanging in there.