Forgetting you

I listen to music to forget you. The lryics, the drums, the guitar and everything else help drown the pain I feel inside. I blare the music to forget about you, and those emotions that plauge me, the emotions that led me close to suicide. Im not suicidal now, I dont hurt as much, but now I dont know if we could work anymore, mainly beacuse I realize that I wasnt as important to you. But sadly I'm still in love for you. I dont want to end our relationship, but at the same time I hate you and it might be good for us. all the memories that we had were wonderful, every kiss seemed like the first one, every time we cuddled was just bliss to me. I loved you and still do, but it kills me that you would rather work that see me sometimes. so is suicide an option for me anymore, it is but I'm not considering it anymore. I'll stick to cutting and that one other thing to ease my pain and relax. I dont cut for pain, I cut for the blood, seeing it and feeling it is the most peaceful thing, it eases every troubled thought of my mind. Im writing this just to say it. Its a letter you'll probably never read samantha. I love you darling, I always will.