food and mood for today

i don't feel like i did very well with food today, but as i tally it up, maybe i didn't do so bad.i didn't eat anything till about 3pm. i didn't plan to wait that long, but i woke up at noon, then went to work out. only stayed at the gym for about 45 mins, so that wasn't great, but better than not going at all.after my work out i ate a muffin, then had a big salad without oil, just vinegar, and a black bean cake (burger type thing) with a vegan chipoltle aioli sauce. i just had 2 crackers now. i don't know how many calories i could estimate from what i have eaten. i really want some hot cocoa, but i don't know if that should fit in with the rest. it might just be too much.i regret the muffin, i just needed something right then. i let myself get too hungry and my blood sugar was dropping.i feel so munchy, but my tummy is totally full.  nerves i guess, all in my head. i took a bath, tried reading a book, tried watching a movie, and almost took a nap. at that point i had only been awake for 4 hours, so i know i am depressed. it is raining so hard, and was dark all day. i can't find my mood lamp.my mood is flat and low. i don't feel like moving. i am dreading going to work tomorrow. here we go again, another week begins.i chickened out of getting the pregnancy test, even though i really should. i guess that will be tomorrow's job. i don't know what i will do if it is positive. i don't even want to think about it. just makes me feel sick. i am drinking the herb tea, but nothing is happening. the boards are depressing me today too. esp the bipolar one. everyone is fighting, and that is not why i am here. just really annoying to have to see. makes me feel more off kilter as this is one of my "safe" places to be.sigh.i am going to put my pajamas on, make some cocoa and go to bed.