flexibility, wellness

I've had lots of ideas the past two days

in part those ideas have related to "the flexibility to decipher the aspect of

relationships that people are trying to communicate

and people just trying to put their best out there

there at the same time"

versus a kind of "strict adherence to meaning

and one's own personal standard" - which is kind of problematic ($%#@^#) behavior

I'm starting to see...

I'll mention more of it down the page.

I also thought about how I am getting more and more ok with myself

and my challenge - so I have challenges ......I can still live a life

- not completely free from the woods - today I've felt futile and turned my eyes

towards the monastery - missing it very much - some day!... :)

-i've thought about how much the monastery is missing from my life - I do feel

safe and couched well and loved there -

but then also looking contrastingly at the thought that 'when I think about

what to do with my day and life while I have time off' I just feel futile and pressure -

to do something 'right' rather than just enjoyeable.

- in the midst of that conundrum I decided to just turn on the radio - and

so I turned on the radio - and the music is now my theme music for creating

and doing my day!

I've thought about not just doing something for the goal and for that which the end represents

but I've thought about the process and the activity itself as being a fun trip -

and my theme music on the radio is really helping me enjoy that and the day.

I've taken care of my responsibilities and now I'll type this out -

for some reason doing art seems too upsetting

I wonder why I was brought up the way I was but I want to live in a way that is about wellness

and keeping fit and fortified and protected.

I was with my parents yesterday and I just realized how, as we sat around the table, that we were all trying

to do and say the right things and I loved them for it - I listened to one

of Dad's business calls too..and he is smart and heck!!

that willingness to step outside of the boundary of one's personal slant on things and have kind of

mutuality and purpose in the taking care of business is really cool.

I'm a hard worker - it's my m.o. - but just the vivacity of being ready to do the work

and excitement and enjoyment about it is coming to me now too - I got a lot done

at work today.. and I even horsed around with the next shift that overlaps with me

for the last half hour...

With this theme music still playing in the background - life seems so like it's meant to be enjoyed like

a dance - my personal dance and take on things.

I'm going to try and take care of Blue extra carefully today- I am going to make

my bed now - and clean the kitty litter and just get ready for the rest of today

and tomorrow's start.

peace