First Year Over
Been awhile since I last posted a journal. I re-read my last entry when it was 7 months and I can hear the pain in my words. The first year anniversary was on Jan. 31,2016. I made it! I survived! As a dear friend here on DS said to me, "we have been through the worst". How true!! I am actually feeling much better. Like my old self. I do not cry much anymore instead I just get sad. But I know what triggers those moments and I know what to do to make the clouds go away. Even now however I can all of a sudden be in disbelief. Wow he really is gone!! And not coming home!! I have accepted that there will be times when I feel lonely but I have friends who feel that way as well. Realizing I am not alone helps me to just accept the moment but not let it eat me up. Looking back I hope I never have to go down that road again! It really hurt! So deeply! My heart breaks for all new widows/widowers. Really other than gentle words and gentle hugs, there is so little we can do to help them. Everyone has to walk down the road to the best of their ability. I will always always be grateful for my "friends" here and the support I received. This site was a life saver! I will always keep in touch and check in from time to time but think I will make it. Love, Diane
Replies
yes, dear DS friend we have survived that first year. It was so hard at times that i just wasn\'t sure i would make it. I haven\'t felt the need to journal for a while either and i do think that is positive, we are living our lives instead of contemplating how to do that,Even though my life has gotten smaller there is a sense of satisfaction knowing that i can live alone and be content with that. As for the loneliness, it means i miss Larry and I think there will be times that i will for the rest of my life. Anyway do stay in touch and let me know how you are doing! love Patti
Diane and Patti, it gives me much comfort to see that you have survived the first year without your soulmate. I am just a few months behind, and have to say it is getting better. But I too will always love and miss my husband! Hugs, Love and Peace, Michele
Dear Diane-- So true about the feeling of disbelief ---\"Wow, he or she will never come back\". I have the feeling...the feeling of unreal. Then, I asked myself, what is real? The truth is that nothing is permanent...anything changes and nothing is forever....the trees, the stones, the rivers, the buildings around us, looking so solid, but will be done sooner than we know. Then, all of sudden, I realize that what I have now, my feeling, my surrounding, all physical existence, is unreal. We are living in a dream and this is just a dream. The reality is we will be happily rejoining with our loved ones in eternity, and that is absolutely true. With that, I enjoy the dream. Hugs, Tiger