First week of Sleep Restriction

Hello everyone,

This is my first time ever doing something like this. I'm at the stage now with my insomnia where I will try anything that may help. Sorry if this is nothing but rambling but I've always been envious of people who are able to put their story out there and get some stories and responses back that relate to their own story. I know no one personally that has the same struggle as I do. I talk to my family about it, but again, don't get the responses that I need. So I'll start with my story (I'll try to keep it brief)

I've been a terrible sleeping all my life but it wasn't until about 3 years ago when it took a turn for the worst. A little but of stress at work turned into 3 bad nights of sleep in a row. I didn't know what to think or do, so i went to the doctor. I was prescribed sleeping pills (not sure what kind at that time). 6 months later I was completely dependent on the pill, taking one every night. Sometimes they worked wonderfully, other times I'd wake with a hangover and felt like crap the whole day. I truely believed i would be on sleeping pills for the rest of my life, in my mind there was no other solution. 2 years ago i went on a trip and didn't sleep for 5 days. The pills just stopped working and my body shook the whole trip because of the anxiety i had. This happened a couple months later again when i was at home. I stated to think i was either going to have a stroke or die. It's so hard for me to explain to someone the way i felt during those times. Basically an extreme feeling of loneliness and dispair, nothing is the world existed expect my anxity and zombie that took over me. Thats when i started the CBT I program. I bought a book with the program laid out for me, it was almost like someone was talking to me which is what i needed. It got me off the meds and i was having better sleeps. This didnt last for too long because of me not be strict enough (sleeping in on the weekends, drinking, going to bed too late) pretty much everthing that went against the program.

2 years later I've resarched the internet high and low for a long lasting solution. I became very interested in sleep restriction therapy. I'd be getting 4.5-5 hours of sleep at night so decided to have my sleep window set for 5 hours. This was a couple months ago. The amount of anxiety that i had and the one debitating panic attack drove my away from it. I cut my window to 6 hours but my problem is early morning awakenings. Bed time was 1230-630. No trouble falling asleep but waking up at 430-5 with no hope in getting that extra hour of sleep. Anxiety is a hugh part of my insomnia. I've been an anxious person my whole life. I simply cannot go on like this. Life is just getting too busy to not have the sleep i need. All im asking for is 7 hours of blissful sleep. At this point 7 hours sounds like nothing but a dream. I faced my fears the past week and started the sleep restricion again with the 5 hour window. I convinced myself that I've already confronted the monster so this time it won't be as scary and there is nothing else for me to do. Im a strong believer that good with come out of facing your fears. Bedtime is now 1:15-6:15. The past three night were ok. Tired as a dog longing for my bed time but stuck it out. I could gradually feel my sleeps getting deeper and deeper.

Still waking up before my alarm but not too anxious. This morning was different. I feel asleep last night within 5 minutes. When i woke up the anxiety set in right away even though i probably slept for 4 hours of sleep (i try not to look at the clock as that usually sets off my anxiety). After what i believe was an hour i got out of bed at 615 and headed to the couch. Didn't get off the couch until 1015. I feel SO stupid and sad at the thought of those past couple days going to waste. All i'm thinking is how much im going to pay for that tonight. I went to see a psychologist yesterday as i cannot do this alone anymore. She focused more so on my anxiety which i think is important and will be very helpful. 

I joined this converstation for some hope and reassuring in the sleep restriction therapy, which is what i'm really banking on to help me become a better sleeper. If theres anyone out there that has a similar experience as me when it comes to the anxiety associated with insomnia i would greatly appreciate any advice and any setbacks that you experienced during this (like my 4 hour sleep-in this morning). I wish i could just see into the future and predict how long this will take but i know that i need to keep my patients and hope and just keep going.

...I also did research on the whole circadian rhythm and am pretty convinced that mine is messed up, so i also have bee working on light therapy.  To the people reading this I'm first sorry for how long it is, but i rarely get a chance to tell my whole story so i thought I'd take the opporunity, and secondly, thank you for taking the time in finding an interest to read my experience. I know theres people that sufer a lot more than me with this monster. But suffering is suffering and I've suffered in my own way long enough. I welcome any advice, stories, tools anything that will help me keep going and not give up like all the times i did before.

Sidenote: In the past 4 nights I've been doing the 5 hour window, I've yet to achieve 5 solid hours. Still waking up before the alarm clock. Sometimes I wonder if the sleep restriction in the right method for my particular situation. I truely hope it is.