First Time I Told the Truth...

So today I did something I did not see coming. I actually really talked to a friend. I didn't tell her everything, I wouldn't know how, but I told her that I used to cut and I told her I tried to kill myself once... She's staying over (her and her boyfriend) so that we can all motivate each other to study, we've been doing that since Jan, whenever we have exams or a lot of assignments, we spend the weekend together and motivate each other to get things done.
So today we came home a little early cause we were tired and her boyfriend was in the other room and we were talking about how things have changed since last year, and I said "Yeah they did, I was fat, depressed and suicidal" but I said it in a joking kind of way so that she didn't know that I'm serious about the suicidal part, and then we were talking how we've come a long way and all, and for some reason I just said can you keep a secret and she's like yeah of course, and I told her that I used to cut and that I was serious about being suicidal and having tried to kill myself... I say things like I want to kill myself sometimes when I'm with friends in a joking kind of way, little do they know that usually when I say it, I mean it.
Although I told her those things I couldn't get myself to actually tell her why, I couldn't get myself to tell her that it was out of continuous loneliness, self-hatred, and all that or that I still sometimes get the urge to cut... It was actually hard to talk about it, and I wasn't planning on it so I didn't know how to say all that stuff. I thought that if I ever decided to tell someone -not them finding out- it would be easier. While I was telling her I felt kind of nervous and felt like my heart was racing... I was thinking was this a bad decision. Is she going to think Im crazy... How's she going to react... She's the first person I've actually talked to about this who knows who I am... When I talk about all this I usually do it with strangers who don't even know my name.
I'm not really sure what she thought... She didn't say much. She asked if anyone else knows, and how I was able to hide my scars from everyone, she was like when you're here you live alone it's a little easier to hide, but what about when you went home didn't anyone in your family notice? And I explained to her how I've been lying to my parents for the past two years always telling them I have plans to meet up with friends and parties and so on, so they didn't even know I was depressed... I used long sleeves, make up, bracelets and watches mostly to cover the scars... Plus cutting is something that is practically unheard of in that part of the world, so even if they saw scars they probably would never think they were because I was a cutter...
She didn't say much about that afterwards; the whole conversation was quick I wasn't sure how or if I even should say more considering I don't really know what her reaction is... is she acting normal now 'cause she planned to spend the weekend here and is going to freak out and think I'm crazy once she leaves and cut me out of her life or are things not going to change except well I'd know I have someone I can trust, so I guess that's a big change for me... I don't really know what she's thinking after that we kept on talking as if I just told her something like I failed a paper or whatever... I think that's a good sign though, or at least I hope it is... I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens with time... If she cuts me out of her life than I'll know that she thinks I'm nuts and I probably won't attempt to tell anyone and basically go back to never trusting people or being myself around anyone... I really hope she doesn't 'cause I don't know if I can handle that...