First Step To Recovery...

July 7th, 2009 I have made my first step to recovery and this is how the story goes... I have been a victim of incest from the ages of 5 through 9 years old. I am 22 years old now and I see I don't make the right decisions about men. I always pick men that have some sort of problem or lack morals and ambition. I also saw that I wasn't very confident in myself AT ALL and I would go to my boyfriend (ex boyfriend now) and cry about how I dont like myself. I come from a single parent who is in the ARMY for 18 years. We moved around alot and I never got to make a self identity for myself. I always tried to fit in and make friends quick because I didnt want to be an outcast and I knew my stay wasnt permanent. Thats where I feel my self identity was lost.  I couldnt feel this way anymore. I was scared people would know who I really was, someone who was lost and didnt know who they were, and so I built an external image. I was scared when I spoke to people and then they seen me as kind of weird because I stammered alot and I get nervous so easily. I finally picked up a book called WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH BY ROBIN NORWOOD. Mrs. Norwood is a licensed Family and Marriage Therapist who describes that women who love too much love men and control men so much to the point where they forget about themselves. She also explains how these behaviors come from certain events that took place in childhood like incest or alcoholic parents and even parents that abuse drugs. The book gives you many different stories of her clients and how these women love so much. At the end of the book she gives you a recovery outline in which one of them is getting into a support group. Thus my journey with DAILY STRENGTH BEGINS... I am no longer with men that have issues or problems. I have stumbled across a man that values me and knows my problem and is willing to stay and help me through. He is well on his feet and I dont need to manage and control him because he is on top of his game. As for me, the relationship is weird because now I only focus on myself and I havent done that since forever. I am usually the one that gives all of myself (body, mind, money) and love to men and I wait patiently to receive the love back and I dont. So now I am with a man that loves me and gives me so much attention I dont know how to receive and enjoy. I am learning how to find myself and bring out all the beauty that was trapped within. My journey starts here...

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

hey girl
This is the first out your many journals that I have begun to read and I have to say Welcome to the DS family .... It\'s wonderful here and I hope in time you\' ll receive all you need to enjoy it. I enjoyed reading this journal and look forward to the rest


best wishes
christa