First Entry
Well, I'm going to give this journal a try. Maybe it will help, if for no other reason than so I can track how I'm feeling and keep up with my thoughts. My back story is that I've been diagnosed for one year. November, 2008. I was making copies in the copy room at my school when I began to have a major panic attack. I went to the teacher's lounge and called my GP. I could barely speak and it took a long time just to get out one sentence. He told me to go to the school wellness center if they had one. (Fortunately, this was the largest school in the state and we DID have a wellness center.) I went to the wellness center and the couselor was out. The nurse was in and I felt that I had to see someone fast or I was going to explode. I went in to see the nurse and exploded into uncontrollable tears. I sobbed like a baby for no apparant reason. I had woken up the night before with thoughts of putting a knife through my chest and doing harmful things to myself. I laid in bed all through that night with those thoughts. I dismissed it long enough to get to work, but something still felt wrong. Then the meltdown. I spoke to the counselor and I (once again) burst into tears. They called a psychological evaluator in to talk with me. I wasn't so suicidal that they committed me, but told me to go home and see a doctor. This deep depression lasted for about 3 and a half days. I wanted to kill myself and if it had gone on much longer, I think I would have. Fortunately, I cycled up again before I could get an appointmend with a Psychiatrist. He then met with me and we uncovered that I have been somewhat manic through the last several years in addition to depressed. (I can look back on different times in my life and definitely see the mania.) I've never been crazy manic, just somewhat manic. Irrational at worst. So I was diagnosed as being Bipolar 2. I just last month experienced another depression episode that lasted about 4 days. It was a deeper sadness than before (if that's possible) but without the panic. Now I'm okay. I just take my meds and pray to God that they are working.
Replies
best you can do is take your meds, sleep well, eat well and keep track of your moods. any mood (depressive or manic) that lasts more than a few days requires a call to the pdoc. consider yourself one of the lucky ones with bp2 and short episodes. I\'m in the same boat and feel that I\'m lucky if you can consider having bp. there are others here that are much worse than us. make friends here and communicate with them daily. they will help you with your moods and might even notice when you need to make the call before you notice. this isn\'t a death sentence, it is something that can be dealt with. you have the right attitude, try to keep it. yes there are times when you think the bp is going to win but look at all the days that you win. you have a job doing something you love. dont ever feel bad for feeling bad. hang in there. brighter days are around the corner
I have trouble keeping journals. I get on a good streak, then I just stop! But it is so much easier on here for me. And my friends can see when I am down and give support without me having to even ask. :) Plus it helps to track my moods too.
I hope the journaling helps you... it sounds like you are doing everything to can to help yourself.. acceptance and that is a big step.. it will get better
jounaling as momo28 has said lets your friends know when you need support as well.... Good for you!