First bj in a very long time... my heart was not in it

Needless to say after the way he's been for the past couple of months, or so, when he approached me and " insisted " that I give him a bj, I did it but only half-heartedly. How could my heart be completely in it when not that long ago he threatened to hurt me, and also actually hurt me - not that long ago !?.... I'm only human.... How can I feel " romantic " towards a man that VERY rarely apologizes, and even when he does I can hear in his voice that he's NOT entirely sincere. Besides.... What's the point of an apology when you simply do the SAME EXACT ACTION over again in the NEAR FUTURE ?! .... Apologies have NO real meaning when this happens OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ! 

So.... anyway.... I " pretended " for the sake of peace, and got through it. Hopefully I bought myself some extra peace and sanity for the rest of this day, and this evening. We'll see.