Firsts
I know I am only 3 months into this horrible part of my life's journey. ( not quite even 3 yet)
I am sitting in a hotel room in Overland Park, KS. I brought the boys and 2 of their friends here for a drum clinic by one of their favoire drummers, Chris Adler. I chose to just stay in the hotel that Jeff and I always stayed in when we came to Overland Park for his Neurologist appointments. Now that I'm in this room by myself, I'm wondering if it was a good idea? I miss him so much!
The drive here took almost 4 hours. The boys had their ipods, music, laptops, movies, etc going. So nobody noticed the tears streaming down my cheeks as I drove through the FLINT HILLS of Kansas. Jeff always told me he could be a hermit and just live out there somewhere where nobody would ever find him. He'd fish and hunt and be happy! He use to take me on day trips and we'd drive for hours up and down the roads through the hills. Once we took the 4 year old Grandaughter for a day of fishing.
Today was a day of firsts that I knew I needed to get over. And I'm glad I did it with the boys and their friends.
But, I missed Jeff so much!
I am sitting in a hotel room in Overland Park, KS. I brought the boys and 2 of their friends here for a drum clinic by one of their favoire drummers, Chris Adler. I chose to just stay in the hotel that Jeff and I always stayed in when we came to Overland Park for his Neurologist appointments. Now that I'm in this room by myself, I'm wondering if it was a good idea? I miss him so much!
The drive here took almost 4 hours. The boys had their ipods, music, laptops, movies, etc going. So nobody noticed the tears streaming down my cheeks as I drove through the FLINT HILLS of Kansas. Jeff always told me he could be a hermit and just live out there somewhere where nobody would ever find him. He'd fish and hunt and be happy! He use to take me on day trips and we'd drive for hours up and down the roads through the hills. Once we took the 4 year old Grandaughter for a day of fishing.
Today was a day of firsts that I knew I needed to get over. And I'm glad I did it with the boys and their friends.
But, I missed Jeff so much!
Replies
I am so sorry for your pain, but I am glad that you have such happy memories. This journey really sucks and there is no getting around that fact. I think we will always miss them, especially in the places that they made special for us. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you. Hugs, Dawn
Thanks Dawn.
I just had a huge cry and now I feel better. Seems that every day about this time, I have to just cry from the bottom of my soul. Once I do that for just a couple of seconds, I seem to feel as though I can let myself just \"be\".
Hang in there. The tears still come readily even at 19 months. Hugs, Kip.