finding your home base when your home base isn't home
I think this is a journal about acceptance. Acceptance for the vicissitudes
of relationships. A friend once said that whenever he went to visit his
parents "It was always and adventure."
I kind of get that, and at a certain point we all have to find our home base
outside of the immediate family life. Does that make sense?
I was with my folks today, and I love them, but I felt lousy when I left
and felt even worse once I was at home. So I tried to figure it out
and it seemed to just make it worse. I decided to call my doctor and leave a message,
as one of my goto coping mechanisms and another was coming here to check in
with you guys. I am very blessed with my family - but I know that conversing with
you guys and my doctor is really my place to talk about things.
My therapist once said "Life can sometimes be made sense of as 'a series of narcissistic injuries.'
True enough. Anyways, I'll try and get some sleep but the latte I had a couple of hours
ago is like a turbo boost to my head right now.
Peace and sending xxoo
Mark
Replies
slowly I am remembering how to redeem or reclaim my life...go about doing things that make me feel special, that take care of my life, be self responsible...slowly my life is coming back to me...and that's something to remind myself about
for future reference....I realize I can be, when alone, kind of task oriented, but I am also realizing that it's kind of a dimensional healing that it gives.. a richness...I can see the structures in my life that help me understand and know myself (like Maria Shriver talked about in her email today) but by understanding them as structures I can also see my essence, spirit and my integrity as well.
A home base is a nice concept. I was reminiscing while watching a movie about younger days abroad…. reminiscing about past dwellings. Lots of reflection. Im a hobo (ha) so i wonder about the same kind of things.
Why did you feel worse after seeing your family? Do they discuss things that upset you, or do you hold back details from them that you express here (for example) so they may not see all of you?
I know you rely on here and your doctor’s advice and guidance. I just sometimes wonder if you’re letting yourself be open to receive and hear words that connect you better to those closest to you? It’s kinda brutal out here in big dreamy Wordville and can be an avoidance of real life, if that makes sense.
Hope you had a good Sunday, Markus. Here’s to a calm week ahead. xo