finding something

This weekend, I have struggled with finding what I like to do, or what I find myself thinking

at times when I am alone. It may sound a bit unclear. I caught a glimpse of my end table with 

my music player and book on top of it. It seemed so pretty - just seized for a moment of beauty

- but then I recoiled as it didn't seem 

that important because other people weren't here to accept it, appreciate it or affirm it.

Ok it's crazy - I tried to dismiss the mindset - but then I woke up this morning and felt energized and tried to appreciate my life.
Went to yoga this morning - and it's such a spiritual experience but I found myself again

thinking I am not a good person, I am not good enough and so on - I have all these crackers feelings and ideas - I got into the exercises and my mind went peaceful and quiet .... I searched for a solution and it just came to me that
I need to accept my individual nature and 'person' - as being different - we all are not the same - 

and I need to just keep on at doing the 'need to' things - responsibilities but also embrace thos personal

activities that are 'my own' because I like them.. Gosh I wish I were emotionally intelligent like healthy people.

Instead I split hairs and atoms to glean truths about my life in order to move forward.

Ok 'nuff vented. I feel different, I am different but I can still love people and will - hopefully it will be accepted and I can

get on with my life.

Amen.