finding some inner peace
I woke up this morning, impulsively spinning about last evening.
I was social with my folks for dinner and I just started to question
all of my behavior when after being with them. This happens so much of the time
with me. That I'll spin mentally if things aren't "just so" - I know discordant things
happen for all of us - but for me, the way my mind works, it really (most of the time)
'does a number' on my state of well being. I tend to splinter and fracture and spin, spin, spin.
I tried to find a logic. I tried to find an understanding/wisdom.
I then saw some aspects of myself that I didn't like and I prayed
and found some inner peace...a place inside where I communed with a calming sense.
I concluded that life's complexities... we are all
dealing with them ...and sometimes we do react in a crazy way...I know
that a lot of folks have it much harder than me...and I am grateful for all that I have
and for this
inner peace I have found. I know I can come back to it in times of trouble.
I know I have to take some steps in my life to take care of my precarious future
but essentially right now, I am grateful for being able to come back to a sense of
peace - and to have this "Clean the Creek" volunteer project I am going to today.
That above all the inner chaos at times, I can still step up and look outside myself
and create something beautiful. Sending peace and good vibes.
:) x Mark
Replies
So I went to the event. It was fun. Very glad I did it. There was not so much to be done and so I left early.
There was a large group of folks there.
I'm home now and I'm spinning a little. I have my haircut to go to a few hours from now.
Maybe I'll walk to Starbucks to break up the day.
Sending peace and good vibes. Sending wishes that when it comes to understanding yourself
amongst the group of friends and family you have - that you're not overwhelmed by a sense
of lacking and yet also when it comes to being by yourself that you're able to be inspired without
guilt for the selfish focus and interests you might have. OK with you'ness :).
I know this is something we all have to balance.
Kind of the impulse to be pure or the impulse to create something great and yet then when it comes
time to being amongst friends or family - that we have access to empathy and compassion
so that we can coexist.... I think there's always gonna be ruffled feathers in any kind of transition from
solo experience to mutuality and in the negotiations of relationships. I hope you guys can find comfort
and confidence in yourselves that this kind of self management comes easier with time. And that there's not a fear of a selfish dark side you might have. Oh for the love of all that makes us purple people.
Hi Marko. Glad the event went well and you’ve had good reflections from all sorts of things. :)
Personnellement, i am in a state of trying to branch out, as are many people post-pandemic (!)….and I am navigating my own sense of feeling trust. I really don’t trust very many people. There are many reasons for that, but it’s a huge undertaking to just try. It’s strange how our experiences from the past serve as internal roadmaps to the future. And what parts of that can be tossed aside? Someone in a hospital told me “you are your own guide,” and I am trying to be kind to myself and recognize what I sincerely want to surround myself with….
In any case, being comfortable in one’s own skin is an enormous endeavor for some people who aren’t necessarily born with confidence, nor have had experiences that leave them feeling empowered. (The list is long and varied for many people…) But hopefully as we all heal and get stronger then good stuff…better stuff….comes into focus. Because we are worth it!
Have a most excellent evening!
Thanks Nikki!! Keep on keeping on!!
Going for the haircut now. My head is so bushy and wild!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qae25976UgA
Definitely bushy werewolf stuff. But now I’ve been clipped.
Haha. :)
Have a good night, Mark!
Good night