finding my meaning and finding my therapy

i was just getting ready for work tomorrow and had an unsettling thought about a conversation

from the last weekend. Details like this come to my mind very often, like a fingernail snagged on a wool sweater...

for some reason things like this come to mind and seek to unsettle. Am I alone in that?

I am going to focus on writing, like the therapy that it is for me...

Today I found my meaning in so many nearly universal applications...

I had a task set out for myself that is due in a short period of time (paper work)

and with no judgements, it made me feel incredibly lonely, set apart and feeling powerless.

I thought about 'owning it', I thought about what my therapist talked to me about "finding your meaning".

And so I grasped hold of this responsibility looming over my head as my own and realized "in my loneliness, as 

everyone has, I will hold on to this task in front of me and do it well as I can.."

It really helped - it really empowered me to not feel the burden of my responsibility but the opportunity of it.

I put my clothes and shoes out for tomorrow's return to work...I set my medicine on the nightstand as usual.

I thought about exercise and just felt the 'chance to do it' rather than a recoiling of the strain...'this is my chance

to get out there' and make my version of it... As I set things ready for tomorrow...I remembered this unsettling conversation brief as it was - it unnerved

me to the point that I needed to come here and write. Initially I wasn't feeling as though the moment required it- 

I felt these thoughts should be kept to myself - but the unsettling invasive memory gave me the instigation

to write it all out. I'll keep focusing on the forward moving vision and not let it derail me.