finding my 'happy' place

When I go along in my day at work, I very often dream of being somewhere else.

But then I get into the work and my attention gets totally engaged - I get tired

but then I come home to my single life which I have needed to arrange to support

my condition.

I have my routine of things that have helped me find stability and calm and health.

I want to tell you though, on Saturdays after work, my routine, but decadent and 'ceremonious' thing

I've done is buy some nice cheeses and meats and drink some alcohol...some wine.

It's a really luxurious, indulgent thing I've been doing. 

This past weekend, I didn't have such a good reaction. I was planning to drink

and I was planning to remain at home so I wouldn't drive - which I did - but I got very inebriated and my reaction

was bad. I've been 'here' before, a few years back now, but I have decided, I am going to cut out drinking on the weekends..and in general too.

I realize why I have been doing it - and I have to find some other way of lifting my spirits and finding a 'happy place' for myself -

I can find a happy place some way else.

I can still have the cheeses and meats - I can have cookies, juice or hiking ...whatever!!- and I can maybe watch from the bunch of DVDs I have...

but I just realized today while at work - that really what it's been all about for me (the drinking)

has been kind of an escapism. I've wanted to cocoon in my own world- escape from the lack of love life - escape

from the limits on my wallet - escape from my condition, and I know I am not alone in this, that the world I live in, isn't enough but I need to find

what is enough, creatively, the best way I can. I suspect also finding what 'is enough' will change as time passes too.

I think we might  all have personal traditions or routines that we use to make ourselves feel special or 

calm. My routine has helped me in the past... now just one part needs adjusting and I think this will add

to my mental health, happiness and clarity. I think it's necessary - and ultimately it's what I want too. I think I am going to fill my life with 

other things that are meaningful...I 've got to try it out.