finding meaning

I wrote my psychiatrist today telling him my energies were running high

and my mind couldn't direct my actions - "I didn't know where I was headed"

but I also said that I would stick to responsibilities and things that were already 

scheduled....The decision served me well - but I also started to see that,

inspired by the last email about my trouble with building my own life,

that I would have to find my own kind of meaning in life... I mean there

are meaningful things that people have in their lives...and they're not all the same...

I can appreciate some meaningful things - like this man talking about his family on the TV

a little while ago, but I don't have my own family as I never married or had kids, but I do

have a family that I see most weeks. I guess this is like dumb as a rock kind of stuff

but I guess I am trying not to get stuck in an aesthetic - and stumble when the images

don't align...I love my family and yet I am also developing a life of committed friendships

and perhaps a new vector in my professional life...I can chart a mission amidst this swirling

humanity around me.