finding answers at the monastery

I find myself getting more and more comfortable here

at the monastery - and learning a great deal along the way as I have detailed

here in my journal. I found myself

feeling today the spirit and understanding that so often to deal with my life,

and the fear of having my own experience, that I have disassociated

in a way - and I felt the importance of that today in knowing it....

understanding not 'to be afraid of living my life' is crucial, as I wrote in my last journal.

I went to meal prep -this afternoon- I went to church to set up for

the evening service -I conducted service and went to evening meal

and then conducted Compline service - I found myself getting so comfortable

with service - but also got then the spirit of 'is it time to move on?'

I have still held the month of February as a benchmark moment

for my thinking about it.

I wondered,while in the last part of the evening service, 'what I would do

to get on with my life out there, building my own life?' 'What would I do for my evening or interests?'

Would the church still play a part in it?

I'm finding tonight that a little disassociation makes me then start looking at the life

here at the monastery and the understanding is that 'it's a way of life here'

it tells me 'how I should be living' - it's very comfortable for my limited self

and the condition I have. I have built in some patterns of doing art, making time

for writing on my journal and keeping things in order, time with Blue and personal admin stuff

- and I have been asserting my own self care at times here too lately.. asking for breaks when I need it

Anyways I am starting to answer my own questions.

I just wanted to tell you about it.

Sending peace and good vibes