find the beauty in a new day
a new day here..I am grateful...dark ominous clouds outside..
drizzling every once in a while but nothing too extreme...the weather seems not really
deciding to committ to a downpour...
I went to get a coffee this morning, then I came home
and have been keeping busy.. with homey things..cleaning up
after Blue, making the bed, shaving and showering and dressing..
the negative assumptions I have at times
have not been bothering me so much, thankfully. And definitely NOT
stronger that my reasonability today - so grateful!
I went to sleep last night and woke this morning thinking about aspects of
my evaluations in life... As much as I want to be with others my sense of insecurity
around others can rule my experience for when I am with others and then also
when I transition back to being alone.. It makes me spin a bit about my nature and so
definitely thinking about those truths in my life.
that as much as I want to have an independent venture in my life - and have successes
in what I do independently, I do also want to 'not be' alone.
I find myself creating a sense of self or moving forward in associative
way. Which seems just human nature...in so far as 'how I see myself' (how we all see ourselves)
And maybe it's coming to me that I should look at and try to trust myself
and go with what naturally comes out of me - that which always seems to help me
in my expressions and my daily salubriety/health.
So I came home from coffee today and was resistant to making
a start in any direction - to create some art or even do chores...weird.
I thought about that I do have a hard time setting out to begin certain independent creative projects
or even household drudgeries,
like when trying to start a my chores today...
My insecurity was great and oversized this morning and so to kick myself into gear for some I was drawn to this.
I decided to pray to god.
I just held onto him, the thought, and then got speedily along my way. It helped
with the misgivings and hesitancy I can get..
I got completely ready for work tomorrow - and also ready to go to my brother's place.
I also got a lovely call from my stepmom while sitting here at the computer. So nice.
I really think that we ought to follow our bliss, our modality for expression and contentment.
Writing here really seems to help me.
I hope you guys are having a good day!
sending peace and good kharma for this Winter's day!!! :)
Replies
In the same sense that fear was designed to warn us (cross-species "us") of danger, bliss was designed to warn us of goodness. Alas, them damned ol' phobias and gluttonies keep messing with the natural design. Yes, follow the bliss, but keep your head about it. It's a metering system, far more than a wise leader.
Yup, prayer is always a good idea. I go with the Franciscan motto that every step should be a prayer. It doesn't have to be reverent prayer. I gain the sense that God loves it when I care enough to fight with her. The greatest violence one being can commit onto another is to disregard them, altogether.
Thanks arfie! There's something in my pursuit to develop healthiness is that I am reminded of here too.
Though I have tried to find the responsible context to being a responsible person with mental health struggles...
I realize that "I AM THE CONTEXT" and though that's freeing to an extent, it also "IS THE DANGER" of listening to only my innards.
I can get mighty high flying and nutso and irreverent like I nearly did today when visiting with my brother.
It's a balance...for sure. Is that what you were thinking too? Did you see that in me as well?
peace, Mark
Hm-m-m-m. . . The problem with esoterics is the extreme difficulty in knowing if we are on the same sheet of music or playing in different bands, entirely. Words work best for things we can hold in our hands, and even there, they are so often lacking.
I.F. we are on the same sheet of music, yes, I see that in you, as well. I also see ^it^ in my chickens and grub worms. More and more I believe the entire web of life is an eternal quest for balance, both individually and cosmically. Nothing is so safe as to be nothing but good. Nothing is so evil as to be nothing but bad. Each liberation has a conditional chain attached.
Thanks Arfie! Balance.
A window has definitely opened for me and how I can to see my own reactions . To push back on harsh judgement and instead frame in a more generous reasonable self reflection/ direction that I give myself...Balance and not lost.
This calls for a moment with Leonard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FpwjQLZTTs
thanks so arfie! I am not having such a good day today. Doesn't it figure?
I hope you're having a good day...today's answer will be jump in the shower
and clean up after lunch. Therapy at 11am.
I feel like an idiot.
and the shower and dressing helped! Got the windows open - the fresh air and sunshine
are awesome!