Financial consequences of taking the time I need
I'm really stressed out right now. During the course of my life there was one thing I was always good at- making money. Now I was never rich- but I've always handled my business. Paid my bills, got by. Borrowing money isn't easy for me, it never has been. I've always been a workaholic. Being a hard worker is one of the things I'm proud of, what I identify with. That's why this is so fucking hard for me.
The past 8 months have been an emotional roller coaster. I've allowed myself A LOT of license in the making money department. I have a business for myself. If I don't work, I don't get paid. It was in October that J left me and I started to realize all I had to realize about my life. I realized that if I didn't start making some major changes life was not going to be good for me- EVER. So I've made those changes. Now that's one sentence that describes A LOT of work, a lot of pain. But I feel okay now.
But my financial life is left in ruins- not as bad as it could be- but bad. I have $0 in my checking account. I have an overdrawn of $74 in my business account. My dickhead of a landlord cashed a check dated may 1 on april 27. Now- I don't think he screwed me on purpose (although I would never swear to it)- I'm sure he just didn't look at the date. But- I feel like such and unbelievable fuck up. I would have had that money in weeks ago if I wasn't so mentally fucked up for the past 8 months.
I know I had to go through what I did. I know it was a necessary part of my life. I'm writing this b/c I'm not just gonna leave work and say fuck it today. I have to work through the stress and I have to keep doing so if I want to be successful in my career. I have a stressful job. I have people's life in my hands. This won't be my life anymore. I have finally faced all the past demons. My job now is to absolutely make sure that I don't allow anymore demons into my life. I think I can do that. I can't afford not to.
I have to forgive myself. I forgive myself for not being financially solvent right now. i forgive myself for not working up to my potential for the past 8 months. I know I had to take some time for myself. I had to. Life wasn't going to be good until I did. I won't let myself worry. I wasn't put here to be miserable. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I know I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I gotta keep repeating that to myself.
Btw- I have no idea why the font is different sizes in different parts of the post- that just happened.
The past 8 months have been an emotional roller coaster. I've allowed myself A LOT of license in the making money department. I have a business for myself. If I don't work, I don't get paid. It was in October that J left me and I started to realize all I had to realize about my life. I realized that if I didn't start making some major changes life was not going to be good for me- EVER. So I've made those changes. Now that's one sentence that describes A LOT of work, a lot of pain. But I feel okay now.
But my financial life is left in ruins- not as bad as it could be- but bad. I have $0 in my checking account. I have an overdrawn of $74 in my business account. My dickhead of a landlord cashed a check dated may 1 on april 27. Now- I don't think he screwed me on purpose (although I would never swear to it)- I'm sure he just didn't look at the date. But- I feel like such and unbelievable fuck up. I would have had that money in weeks ago if I wasn't so mentally fucked up for the past 8 months.
I know I had to go through what I did. I know it was a necessary part of my life. I'm writing this b/c I'm not just gonna leave work and say fuck it today. I have to work through the stress and I have to keep doing so if I want to be successful in my career. I have a stressful job. I have people's life in my hands. This won't be my life anymore. I have finally faced all the past demons. My job now is to absolutely make sure that I don't allow anymore demons into my life. I think I can do that. I can't afford not to.
I have to forgive myself. I forgive myself for not being financially solvent right now. i forgive myself for not working up to my potential for the past 8 months. I know I had to take some time for myself. I had to. Life wasn't going to be good until I did. I won't let myself worry. I wasn't put here to be miserable. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I know I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I gotta keep repeating that to myself.
Btw- I have no idea why the font is different sizes in different parts of the post- that just happened.
Replies
I feel so bad for you, but it sounds like you have some control over your finances. We all have our financial ups and downs. Be stong, take care of yourself and you will be ok. I know you are a stong hardworking person, ur independent and have a lot going for you. You know things will be ok right? you know things will be ok hang in ther.