Financial consequences of taking the time I need
I'm really stressed out right now. During the course of my life there was one thing I was always good at- making money. Now I was never rich- but I've always handled my business. Paid my bills, got by. Borrowing money isn't easy for me, it never has been. I've always been a workaholic. Being a hard worker is one of the things I'm proud of, what I identify with. That's why this is so fucking hard for me.
The past 8 months have been an emotional roller coaster. I've allowed myself A LOT of license in the making money department. I have a business for myself. If I don't work, I don't get paid. It was in October that J left me and I started to realize all I had to realize about my life. I realized that if I didn't start making some major changes life was not going to be good for me- EVER. So I've made those changes. Now that's one sentence that describes A LOT of work, a lot of pain. But I feel okay now.
But my financial life is left in ruins- not as bad as it could be- but bad. I have $0 in my checking account. I have an overdrawn of $74 in my business account. My dickhead of a landlord cashed a check dated may 1 on april 27. Now- I don't think he screwed me on purpose (although I would never swear to it)- I'm sure he just didn't look at the date. But- I feel like such and unbelievable fuck up. I would have had that money in weeks ago if I wasn't so mentally fucked up for the past 8 months.
I know I had to go through what I did. I know it was a necessary part of my life. I'm writing this b/c I'm not just gonna leave work and say fuck it today. I have to work through the stress and I have to keep doing so if I want to be successful in my career. I have a stressful job. I have people's life in my hands. This won't be my life anymore. I have finally faced all the past demons. My job now is to absolutely make sure that I don't allow anymore demons into my life. I think I can do that. I can't afford not to.
I have to forgive myself. I forgive myself for not being financially solvent right now. i forgive myself for not working up to my potential for the past 8 months. I know I had to take some time for myself. I had to. Life wasn't going to be good until I did. I won't let myself worry. I wasn't put here to be miserable. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I know I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I gotta keep repeating that to myself.
Btw- I have no idea why the font is different sizes in different parts of the post- that just happened.
The past 8 months have been an emotional roller coaster. I've allowed myself A LOT of license in the making money department. I have a business for myself. If I don't work, I don't get paid. It was in October that J left me and I started to realize all I had to realize about my life. I realized that if I didn't start making some major changes life was not going to be good for me- EVER. So I've made those changes. Now that's one sentence that describes A LOT of work, a lot of pain. But I feel okay now.
But my financial life is left in ruins- not as bad as it could be- but bad. I have $0 in my checking account. I have an overdrawn of $74 in my business account. My dickhead of a landlord cashed a check dated may 1 on april 27. Now- I don't think he screwed me on purpose (although I would never swear to it)- I'm sure he just didn't look at the date. But- I feel like such and unbelievable fuck up. I would have had that money in weeks ago if I wasn't so mentally fucked up for the past 8 months.
I know I had to go through what I did. I know it was a necessary part of my life. I'm writing this b/c I'm not just gonna leave work and say fuck it today. I have to work through the stress and I have to keep doing so if I want to be successful in my career. I have a stressful job. I have people's life in my hands. This won't be my life anymore. I have finally faced all the past demons. My job now is to absolutely make sure that I don't allow anymore demons into my life. I think I can do that. I can't afford not to.
I have to forgive myself. I forgive myself for not being financially solvent right now. i forgive myself for not working up to my potential for the past 8 months. I know I had to take some time for myself. I had to. Life wasn't going to be good until I did. I won't let myself worry. I wasn't put here to be miserable. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I know I'm not a failure just b/c I'm broke. I gotta keep repeating that to myself.
Btw- I have no idea why the font is different sizes in different parts of the post- that just happened.
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