FINALLY OUT OF THE HOUSE
WELL,NO SURPRISE ITS 3;40AM AND I AM STILL AWAKE BUT I DID REST MOST OF THE DAY.FRIDAY NIGHT I WAS UPSET BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WAS GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS AGAIN AND I WAS GOING TO STAY IN AGAIN BUT I MADE MYSELF GET DRESSED AND GET OUT.IT WAS VERY HARD BEACAUSE I JUST COULD HAVE EASILY STAYED IN MY NIGHTGOWN AND WENT BACK TO BED....I WENT WALKING AROUND IN STORES FOR A BIT WHICH IS VERY DEPPRESSING WHEN YOU HAVE NO MONEY AND DREAM SHOPPING ONLY GOES SO FAR.I WAS GETTING LONELY VERY FAST AND EVEN WENT TO SIT IN THE CEMETARY WHERE MY MOTHER IN LAW IS ,SINCE I WAS CLOSE TO THE CEMETARY.WHILE I WAS THERE A FRIEND TEXED ME AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO GO FOR A DRINK.WHICH WE DID.ITS FUNNY HOW I USED TO BE ABLE TO WALK IN PLACES ALL BY MYSELF AND NOT THINK ANYTHING OF IT.NOW I AM SO SELF COUNCIOUS OF MY APPEARANCE AND JUST FEEL ALL TOGETHER ODD. ONE PLACE WE DID GO ,I REALLY WASNT SURE ABOUT WALKING IN BUT WHEN I DID THREE SEPERATE PEOPLE STOOD RIGHT UP TO GIVE ME A HUG AND ASK HOW I'VE BEEN.IT FELT GREAT....I TRULY MISS MY SOCIAL LIFE.I WAS ALWAYS SO MUCH APART OF EVERYONES LIVES I CAME ACROSS ALL MY YEARS OF TENDING BAR.....ANYWAYS I ENDED UP HAVING SOME GOOD CONVERSATIONS AND UNFORTUNATELY DRANK WAY TO MUCH......I FELT LIKE CRAP ALL DAY .THATS ONE THING I DIDNT MISS ABOUT DRINKING,IS YOU ALMOST LOSE TWO DAYS.ONE THAT YOU WENT OUT AND THE NEXT TO RECOVER......I THINK I REALLY NEEDED IT THOUGH. I AM GLAD I PUSHED MYSELF OUT THE DOOR....I REALLY DONT WANT TO GET BACK INTO THE DRINKING GAME AND IF I GET THE CHANCE TO GO AGAIN I WILL TRY HARD NOT TO DRINK ALCHOL BUT TO JUST ENJOY THE PEOPLE AROUND ME.I WILL DEFINATELY HAVE A HARD TIME WITH THAT BUT WE'LL SEE. I FEEL SO TORN ON WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING WITH MY LIFE......MY HEAD STILL KEEPS TELLING ME GET BACK TO WORK,EVEN THOUGH MY BODY IS IN CONSTANT PAIN.....NOT TO MENTION NO JOBS ANYWAYS..I AM AWAITING A TRIAL FOR SOCIAL SECURITY AND THEY SAID IT COULD BE UP TO A YEAR AND A HALF TO GET ONE.THEN I CANT HELP WORRY,WILL I GET TURNED DOWN AGAIN.I JUST DONT HAVE ANY ANSWERS FOR MYSELF.I AM GOING CRAZY NOT WORKING AND NOT HAVEING ENOUGH MONEY.I HAVE TO FIGURE THINGS OUT BEFORE I GO CRAZY.....
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