Final resolution
After searching for a while i have come the conclusion that my life has to end on new years eve, why, just cause its the way i decided to plan it, It will be simple and painless, and no one will care cause i have already told everyone of my plan and they just laughed and said i cant do it, i will laugh one last time at them when i am dieing just so i know that i can, I will choose to bleed out and only way to do that will be through cutting my neck with a knife while under a lot of sedation or just put a IV catheter in my vain and let it bleed out to a bucket or something but its a sure thing that this will work for me (don't try at home yourself). I am just waiting for my supplies to come in the mail and i can get on the way to better things.
Replies
I know how you feel, I really do. I\'ve been battling with these thoughts myself for the last few months. There are times when it\'s all I think about. I just can\'t give up on living and neither should you. You seem like you have a lot going for you (I know that doesn\'t always mean anything..... I seem to have a lot going for me as well), but it seems like you have a great many accomplishments under your belt to be so young. I don\'t post this to change your mind, I post this to let you know you are not alone with your demons. I often feel the same way.
You stated you are Bipolar. That means that your brain has difficulty producing enough \"feel good\" chemicals (dopamine, etc.). You are probably either irritable or profoundly depressed. In my experience I have noted that most people who are truly Bipolar are extremely intelligent but have no sense of accomplishment or confidence in their abilities. Look at it this way, if you were a Viper, you wouldn\'t think \"I am so much faster than others\" you would think \"what is wrong with everyone, why are they so slow?\" You feel disconnected not superior, but actually, if you can get yourself stablized you will discover that intellectually, you are superior. As far as relationships with girls/women, remember that they are immature at your age and that realm will improve as well with time. There are psychiatrists out there who are competent at prescribing meds which will take the edge off your pain. The peak timeline during which Bipolar males commit suicide is between 16 -25. That is because the emotional pain peaks at during this time due to the added influence of testosterone; as you get older, the mood swings and emotional pain will diminish. You need medication to help your brain function better exactly in the same manner as someone who is diabetic needs insulin. It doesn\'t make you weak, you have a chronic medical disorder. Suicidal thoughts are a last ditch effort to free yourself of emotional pain. I am sure however, that you have ambivalence. Consider extending your \"date\" at least one more year. Alot can happen in a year. Take care friend,