filters
I was at work and part of me was feeling like I just wanted to get
the work done - I felt like cutting corners - and I knew it was
not a good thing.... I didn't like it about myself - but I searched for and wanted a rationale
for inspiration to do quality work. I felt beat up inside and frankly,
lacking character.
I thought about why I didn't seem
to have an allegiance to the 'uppers'? and then reasoned
to myself that "I wanted to stay in their good graces, didn't I?"
and that inspired me to do good work. It inspired me to be grateful for the job
I have. I became very grateful for the job I had in Malibu too.
I wrote/texted to my old boss there (when my work at this job was done)
and thanked her for that opportunity and hoped she
was doing well. We had a nice back and forth with her.
As I started to leave from work, I thought about grace.
I thought about the differences we each have in our
sensibilities. I thought about other folks in my life and how at times we seem to differ
and I didn't understand why - what is it that or where was it that we were coming
from?
I thought about how we each have our own filter for grace
and that we're each accepting or rejecting things based
on that kind of individual filter at times. The thought really helped
me sense a commonality in diversity of perceptions.
The day is ending well. I hope things are good with you.
Sending peace and thanks.
Replies
I think that you sorted out your feelings and thoughts to make really wonderful and responsible choices for the day Marky
You Go!!
(((((Marcos))))))) <3
Thanks so much Jan and lilmissy!!
Having our own filter for grace is good perception. I often think about all the different realities that people exist in. Whether societal, economical, cultural, professional career, neighborhood - it all shapes so much when we remember empathy and that simple act of attempting to try looking through a different lens every so often.
Here’s to good decisions, thoughtful pauses, admitting mistakes that are inevitable for all of us, and redirecting when we need to. We can’t buy filters in a store to replace them when they need replacing, but it’s important to take thoughtful pauses and shake out the old debris….like what you did in this journal!
thanks Nikki!
things are good.
Yesterday's thoughts really gave me a sense of peace and agency. I was talking to a young man who is curious about this place (the monastery). Not meaning to sound flippant but not knowing how to describe myself and my status here, I told him "i am trying it out."
The fumbling for words really made me aware of 'how do I think about myself here?"" it's such an unusual life path" Is that what is making me feel nebulous and noncommittal about saying much more or committing? It may have part of the puzzle to it. I once heard my stepmom say that when she was younger she had difficulty committing to a certain direction of life because "it wasn't really a plan" - does that make sense about where I am now? I think maybe??
Peace and good vibes,
and I think that whatever form this place where I am has, ,these people care about me and my wellbeing. That's really powerful and important. I am not getting any younger.
just thoughts,