fighting frailty......

knowing one should lean in to physical frailty is one thing.......my mind fights against lying down.....the spirit within must overtake and pass that stubborn thinking and lead it to the land of leaning in........being gentle with myself.  being still and quiet.

and yet i am still in combat this day.  i've had many good days......today i feel rough.  and yet i push to do......even as i feel my body in need of rest. sleep.  doing nothing on purpose.  so many days i have had no choice.......it didn't matter what my mind wanted i had to lean in and chill out. 

so there i was feeling good enough to stand up easily enough, but the glands in my neck are back on doublewide swollen trailer status.  little miss overdo went to overdidit pass and then some.  feel like the street cleaner took me down and liked it so much he backed up and ran over me again         and again.  what a bum.  leave me aloneoney.  puh lease with extra sugar on top.

so far today i gave Rio.......little talker Rio Cabrillo the sleek gray cat that he is a brand new bathroom.  yup, he's moving on up to the East Side........his new private restroom space is still in the laundry room, but now it's a creamy cool ivory.....much taller with a private door for his majesty.  the old one cracked and cracked some more, had to get a new one.  i found this one online from the wal of mart of $7.98.......it's a regular large size, not crazy uber huge like the last one.  and Rio also got a new exit mat.......this one has a webbing of fabric that catches the litter, my hope is to see less of those tiny clay chunks trailing through the house. 

Rio is doing well.......he's been a happy eater the last few months, which is awesome, after green eyed Annie passed away Rio went through a very hard time.....didn't want to eat, cried and searched for his pal.  i'm still sitting on the fence about getting another kittums......i miss having a happy pair and i don't want Rio to be an only fur baby.......but on the other hand it's a lot of responsiblity and more work.  there it is, plus the money angle.......moving on.

laundry is churning away in the machine, the clean dishes have been put away, the throw rugs are almost dry........i'm clean and shiny......yay!  my yard looks very nice, bruce mowed yesterday and with the new landscaping it's all pretty darned awesome, this little sparrow feels like she has a park for a front yard now instead of a bald front yard with a bad weedy combover. 

bruce is going to p/u the outdoor furniture i did for sara and derian on friday and take it to their home.  finally.......yay!  it's kind of bad of me to say this but her new furniture looks great in my new front yard........but it will bring  a lot of entertaining pleasure to her home and i want her to take more breaks and have more fun.....so with the firepit and the new furniture in back i'm hoping the kids will entertain a little more......maybe invite me over for a wienie roast and some marshmallows for dessert!

today is sam's birthday, he's out riding his bike at present.....later he's got darts with the gang.  i took him a big wicker basket of goodies on Saturday since it will probably be another week or so til we celebrate his birthday.  he wants to go back to 770 korean bbq, so i'll try to get the timing worked out with shorty and her hubby.....maybe Thursday night would work?

sitting here in place with my eyelids down trying to work up the zing to finish this journal......i've been very blessed of late.  went to sunday services two weeks in a row!  that is a huge huge thing......been helping with 64 Main, i temporarily fake adopted a kid....you draw a slip and i drew a boy, size 9 shoes beginning tenth grade.  i found him a pair of Nike Sneakers and got him school supplies.  a few things i just couldn't find at wal mart.....surprised me that they didn't have everything on that list.  it is a big splurge for me, but i sure do remember the days and that final night leading up to the first day of school.  worry, excitement.......unable to sleep.......what to wear, would i fit in........our bodies were changing so much in those days......i had shot up four inches in a very short time.......and now i'm no longer 5"8" tall, now I'm under 5'6"......makes me sadding, silly but it does make me sad,  feel like i'm turning into a mini me..........booo hooooo. 

since i last wrote a journal i've been to 64 main to help out several times, volunteered at the Auburn Museum.....gone to a free cooking class at the hospital with two pals which was super duper fun......we got to sample the yumminess of it all.......sooooo good!

been out to eat with friends, been to two adult senior lunches, gotten more dental work done......my new dentist is on maternity leave with his wife and their newborn son......yup, it's a boy! so excited for them! 

here's a kooky random thing to share....i'm at wal mart trying on a cute little casual dress, it's $12.97.......yay.  So....when i come out to look at it in the big mirror the ladies working at the dressing room area tell me that they found a random swim suit from Torrid.  a very nice suit, sized 2X. huh.....that's weird, how did that swimsuit end up on the racks at Wal Mart.......they normally just throw stuff like that out....but they say Torrid is a very nice plus size lady shop and that will be an expensive swimsuit....and would i like to take it home, do i know someone who could use it?  i said i would be happy to find it a purpose......so they get permission from the floor supervisor so i can take it with me and off i go.......then at check out that little sun dress rings up for $FIVE BUCKS....WHAAAAAT?  felt crazy lucky, but didn't think to go buy a lottery ticket.........dumb de dumb dumb dum!

i look up Torrid's website online and find that very suit, it currently sells for $95.00.  yikes --- that's a lot of money for a bathing suit.....i call sara and say hey do you wanna sell it on your ebay store? she says definitely so there we go......she'll make a little money and someone online will still get a deal on the suit......so my job is done!

but how did that suit end up at the wrong store???? nutty stuff happens all the time.

i think i need a long nap......oh my gosh, you should have been a fly on the wall when i got the boy's tennis shoes.  i went to Marshalls.......and there were a ton of dudes hunting shoes all at the same time like a pack of wolves.  it was crazy.....i found a left shoe size 9 that looked like a shoe a teen boy would definitely wear.....i didn't want to accidentally get him ugly shoes or dad shoes or something only a misguided mom would pick out........sot there i was holding one shoe and searching through all these shoe boxes......i hate self serve shoe stores at the moment, i'll get over it, but ugh. 

all of a sudden i broke into a sweat, felt like i was revisiting hot flashes......it was awful.....i stopped in place and let it out, the frustrated losing battle cry of shoppers everywhere and then i said OUTLOUD, "i can't do this........help me!:  a store clerk named Dwayne came to my rescue, he was trying not to laugh, cause for some reason when i implode it always seems to make people laugh, i'm cursed with this weird comedic thing that can make whatever i temporarily think is a tragedy a laughable giggling experience.  .......with illness like we have we know tragic, we know challenges, so to find tragedy in the shoe shopping aisle really is a luxury, not tragic at all........but  the feverish pace, the lack of the other shoe, all those dudes pawing through the boxes was knocking me for a loop.

dwayne went through a ton of boxes, found the other shoe.......so glad, cause i felt really sure that the boy getting these shoes would need TWO shoes, not just the one lonely shoe.......and then to please me, he found the right box and to please me even more, he went in the back and put a size 9 sticker on the box......it's a little detail but i didn't want to give him a box for size 7/5 shoes..........dwayne knew what i meant.....i wanted this gift to be as special as it would be for my own children.......the whole delight of getting cool new shoes for the first day of school.  yippy cay yai yay little doggies!

since i journaled last i've had dinner with my new housecleaner and her mom........we had fun talking, a nice dinner and then played Dominoes and Parcheesi........a really nice evening.  her home is lovely, she definitely has an eye for design.  Stella's mom Alicia is here visiting from Columbia until September......she is very elegant, I can tell by her eyes that she is feisty and full of life just like her daughter!  feeling so blessed.......to find not only someone to help me here, but to make new friends as well.

enough typing....oh hey....when i got up the little bird mom was taking in a tasty morsel to her nesting babies.  it's been killing me not to look into the nest but i have not peeked.  i don't want her to abandon them because i was being a nosy old human smelling curiousity seeker.....but i long to see her sweet babies.  bet they are adorable!  the mom is not even as long as my forefinger, she's a tiny little mommy!

if i'm not laying down i should be......if i felt better i would go to the lake.  but no, stay home and rest.  if i felt better i would get a pedicure or get my hair trimmed or clean out an upstairs closet, but no not today. i need to stay home.  i also did research for the fall Owl's trip yesterday, that took me a couple of hours and then i had to type up a synopsis with highlighted details for the parks director and his assistant.  made me feel almost like a worker bee again except it took me so much longer than it would have back then.....but slow or not i made a pretty good stab at it as promised in time for the Wednesday meeting.

but i haven't done any recipes yet........blurgh. go lay down sparrow, you're a goof.  close your eyes, your throat hurts, your muscles hurt........that's me all day today fighting frailty.  knowing what i need to do and fighting against what i want to do........but i'm feeling good enough to write this journal and alive enough to complain so it's still a good day.  hugs and more hugs, love you!