felt like wailing but gotta take ownership
my therapist introduced a new idea to me, well maybe she's said it
in so many different ways before, but what she said to me last time
was that "you're feelings towards things around you might change but the things
around you don't change." It seemed like a good way to see things around me
as constants..a way to back up my sense of powerlessness at times.
So this morning, I woke up and just felt so powerless..I felt just like a peeled
tomato - so at a loss and raw...but after a while I decided to look up
and out at the things around me - and though my feelings towards what I planned
had changed - I decided to take ownership of my mood - and get dressed anyway
and get on with the day and the plan as it was.
It gives a sense of power to take ownership - and a sense of well being.
peace and good morning!!
m
Replies
Don't know if this might work for you or not....helps me to not feel so helpless sometimes.
I say to myself "You Have Choices"
Can't write that I really understand your therapists "the things around you don't change." in that we are all alive and each day there are changes...unless she is speaking of 'physical things like chair, bed couch etc'.
This morning I listened to a zen Buddhist Nun, on NPR about a book of poems she wrote...Jane Hirschfield....I'm putting the poem in my journal today.
Hoping your day becomes clearer with each breath :)
Thanks Mary Louise!
Indecision in general? I have always had to deal with multitudes of things out of my control whatsoever and have had to adapt to each situation and figure out ways to maneuver and survive and be happy as best can. Resilience. I don’t know any specifics about your shifts, mark, and your situations, but I do hope you find peace in the day and remember kindness to yourself. You are your own guide.
a therapy exercise which has become nearly a reflex for me is, "separating feelings from facts." i have a tendency to treat feelings like facts and persecute myself for having unapproved feelings.
facts don't change. if i manage to change a fact, it remains a fact in the past tense. ply radical acceptance here.
feelings are guaranteed to change. i can feel more than one way about a single fact. ply radical acceptance here.
Thanks guys. I’m ok just dealing with issues. I’ll suss it out.
just dealing with my issues and a labile sense of self...I have goals which I want to keep - at times I can see how 'for me' that holding onto a goal may seem a big challenge as my sense of self changes so much that very often I feel, when the time comes to enact the goal, that I am a different person - and so my motivation will not be there as it was when I made the goal initially - (is that not uncommon?) but with all credit due I know that i have kept committed to my job, and family business and community - and so perhaps this morning's misgivings are just part of the mood of the day. By giving thought to it I can bring myself back to a sense of reasonability.
maybe it's time to try out 'bigger goals'? and that indeed seems a big mountain/hurdle to overcome.
I realize that I am starting to appreciate, with this journal, my own sense of style about going after
goals... praying that we all are blessed with the will power to go for the goals we hope for
and the vision and strength to imagine them!
Big hug sweetie... I am so glad that you have a therapist that you feel comfortable with and can discuss the things that you need to.... It's great that you have goals and vision.... Another hug LC.... xo
thanks Janet!
if you are taking votes, i vote for opening yourself to god's guidance. humans are a labile species. even for those of us with the fashion sense of a poet, our moods and wants change with the season. which of my dreams should i nurture into a goal. then we get to the phenom of life being what happens when we are busy making plans.
when i let myself dream without my arrogant need to push my own agenda, god provides me guidance and direction to options even finer than my grandest dreams. an example of this currently playing out in my own life is 'the rat plan." our farm has had a rapidly rising population of rodents who have begun invading the house and chewing on our car hoses and wire buses. in addition to the unsurprising array of traps and repellents, i managed to round up 4 feral kittens. not to be confused with housecats. i am dreaming of feline rat patrols as a long term solution to the rodent problem. i've been making the kittens as comfy as possible under the house and they are game, but have a lot of their own ideas. instead of forcing my own genius, i've been working with them on how to help them establish their own territory.
i'll worry about the cat overpopulation when it gets here.
letting god lead the dance.
thanks arfie. that's a really good idea.