felt like giving up...

I'm so frustrated with myself as I continue to break promises to myself and do the things I know are wrong.  I don't understand - I'm ready for some serious counseling.  It seems I do well for a while and then go on the roller coaster again, despite the fact that when I'm not gambling I KNOW life is better, my relationships improve and overall I just feel good about myself and my life...   Right now I'm feeling very bad again, sneaky, deceitful, and dishonest since I feel I have to hide what I do. This is the hardest challenge ever - - -I'm so sick of it, and sick of the me that does it.  Even though it's the holidays and I'm trying to pick myself up and be cheery, it's difficult because I don't feel like a good person.  It seems this other person takes over and none of it makes logical sense. I've been struggling with this long enough to know the answers - I understand it but at times it feels impossible to overcome. Just venting - I know what to do. . . . and today - just for today - I will not gamble.Thanks for listening,Smokeygirl