Feelings emerging...
Hi everyone,
The retreat was amazing. The speaker, Joan Anderson was so knowledgeable and understood loss but at the same time validating the fact that knowing loss was not the same as knowing the grief of losing a child. She herself has not known the agony of her child passing away. Her mentor is Joan Erickson, wife of the late Erick Erickson, the theorist. I studied him in college and know his developmental theory well. I enjoyed his teachings a lot. While at the barrier island in Chatham as others had described, it was cold, windy & rainy. I felt like I was on "Survivor" for the brief time we were there. Eddie hated the beach & the hot sun bearing down on him (he loved the beach as a child but hated it as an adult). While I was shivering on the beach trying in vain to stay under my towel & stay a bit dry I looked up to the Heavens and, "Really, Ed?" Honestly, I think he was just screwing with me, lol. The experience was cut short due to the weather but later, walking the labrynth and building the cairn and leaving our shells there was just what was meant to be, I believe. The sun had come out and we honored our child/children and each others children.
Ed's angel date (9/4) and his birthday, (9/22) are approaching. As well as I think I am doing overall after almost 4 years as far as healing and feeling more peace more often the pain is just under the surface. I have been having a lot of dreams about him..some ok and some sad. My granddaughter has been having a lot of flashbacks (she found Eddie that day) and Christina describes her flashbacks as "nightmares with my eyes wide open". Josh, my grandson has been very irritable. I labeled his feelings for him the other day as possibly due to his dad's angel date & birthday approaching & he said, "Yeah, you're probably right."
I had a dream about Ed the other night. It was very brief. In the dream I was talking to Ed and I said, "how are you, really?" He said, "I am well." Then he paused and said, "I miss my kids." I said to him, "I miss my kid." Then I woke up. The dream left me very sad but I was glad to get a glimpse of him and glad he said, "I am well."
Some days are just harder than others...
Love and peace to all, Linda, Ed's mom
The retreat was amazing. The speaker, Joan Anderson was so knowledgeable and understood loss but at the same time validating the fact that knowing loss was not the same as knowing the grief of losing a child. She herself has not known the agony of her child passing away. Her mentor is Joan Erickson, wife of the late Erick Erickson, the theorist. I studied him in college and know his developmental theory well. I enjoyed his teachings a lot. While at the barrier island in Chatham as others had described, it was cold, windy & rainy. I felt like I was on "Survivor" for the brief time we were there. Eddie hated the beach & the hot sun bearing down on him (he loved the beach as a child but hated it as an adult). While I was shivering on the beach trying in vain to stay under my towel & stay a bit dry I looked up to the Heavens and, "Really, Ed?" Honestly, I think he was just screwing with me, lol. The experience was cut short due to the weather but later, walking the labrynth and building the cairn and leaving our shells there was just what was meant to be, I believe. The sun had come out and we honored our child/children and each others children.
Ed's angel date (9/4) and his birthday, (9/22) are approaching. As well as I think I am doing overall after almost 4 years as far as healing and feeling more peace more often the pain is just under the surface. I have been having a lot of dreams about him..some ok and some sad. My granddaughter has been having a lot of flashbacks (she found Eddie that day) and Christina describes her flashbacks as "nightmares with my eyes wide open". Josh, my grandson has been very irritable. I labeled his feelings for him the other day as possibly due to his dad's angel date & birthday approaching & he said, "Yeah, you're probably right."
I had a dream about Ed the other night. It was very brief. In the dream I was talking to Ed and I said, "how are you, really?" He said, "I am well." Then he paused and said, "I miss my kids." I said to him, "I miss my kid." Then I woke up. The dream left me very sad but I was glad to get a glimpse of him and glad he said, "I am well."
Some days are just harder than others...
Love and peace to all, Linda, Ed's mom
Replies
Ed and I would have gotten along famously as far as the beach is concerned...I\'m not a big fan. I have sun issues and I also have water issues. The year after Clinton\'s accident I lost my home and my car to a huge flood. I was in survivor mode on the beach just as you were. When it really started \"kicking up\" I hightailed it to the bay side for fear of the ocean coming up and taking me off to parts unknown...lol...All in all though, the day was just so point on as a representation of what we had been through/were coming through and the possibilities of peace and beauty still in our lives. I know in my heart that the way the day concluded at the labyrinth is exactly what each of our children are wishing for our lives and what better and more beautiful way for them to communicate that message to each of us as individuals and to show their approval and appreciation of our FMO group! Sending love and hugs and prayers for a peaceful September.
A very touching entry. I have felt a little sadder than usual myself. I don\'t have an angel date or birthday but sometimes those feelings arise and just pull at the heart strings a little tighter. The last couple of days have been like that for me. I have only had one dream of my son. How I would love to hear he was well. I\'m sorry Ed\'s kids are feeling irritable and out of sorts. It\'s so hard for us and even more sad when the kids or siblings ache. We ache for them as well as ourselves. I send you love and a ray of sunshine as Sept will be challenging. It was so good to see you. Much love. Robin
Linda, I\'m so glad that you heard Edward in the dream tell you that He \"is well\"! That sounds so like the \"other side\" talking...to the point and rather direct most times. (I\'ve experienced anyway.)
I find it also sad about Edward saying he missed his kids...My own feelings are that their \"missing\" has an additional aspect somehow that negates the pain filled \"missing\" we mere mortals experience. Jesus spoke of His peace after He transitioned, and I lean toward feeling that \"missing\" therefore has a different connotative aspect than what we think of as \"missing\", down here! I think they long for us to join them in Paradise (yet experience no discomfort from that desire)..because they love us and don\'t want us to have to endure so much as mortals...Just my take on it...Love, Donna
It was a good dream. Ed is ok, you will be also. Just as he had fun sturing up to waters I bet he enjoyed being in yourdream.
Hugs Penny