Feelings emerging...
Hi everyone,
The retreat was amazing. The speaker, Joan Anderson was so knowledgeable and understood loss but at the same time validating the fact that knowing loss was not the same as knowing the grief of losing a child. She herself has not known the agony of her child passing away. Her mentor is Joan Erickson, wife of the late Erick Erickson, the theorist. I studied him in college and know his developmental theory well. I enjoyed his teachings a lot. While at the barrier island in Chatham as others had described, it was cold, windy & rainy. I felt like I was on "Survivor" for the brief time we were there. Eddie hated the beach & the hot sun bearing down on him (he loved the beach as a child but hated it as an adult). While I was shivering on the beach trying in vain to stay under my towel & stay a bit dry I looked up to the Heavens and, "Really, Ed?" Honestly, I think he was just screwing with me, lol. The experience was cut short due to the weather but later, walking the labrynth and building the cairn and leaving our shells there was just what was meant to be, I believe. The sun had come out and we honored our child/children and each others children.
Ed's angel date (9/4) and his birthday, (9/22) are approaching. As well as I think I am doing overall after almost 4 years as far as healing and feeling more peace more often the pain is just under the surface. I have been having a lot of dreams about him..some ok and some sad. My granddaughter has been having a lot of flashbacks (she found Eddie that day) and Christina describes her flashbacks as "nightmares with my eyes wide open". Josh, my grandson has been very irritable. I labeled his feelings for him the other day as possibly due to his dad's angel date & birthday approaching & he said, "Yeah, you're probably right."
I had a dream about Ed the other night. It was very brief. In the dream I was talking to Ed and I said, "how are you, really?" He said, "I am well." Then he paused and said, "I miss my kids." I said to him, "I miss my kid." Then I woke up. The dream left me very sad but I was glad to get a glimpse of him and glad he said, "I am well."
Some days are just harder than others...
Love and peace to all, Linda, Ed's mom
The retreat was amazing. The speaker, Joan Anderson was so knowledgeable and understood loss but at the same time validating the fact that knowing loss was not the same as knowing the grief of losing a child. She herself has not known the agony of her child passing away. Her mentor is Joan Erickson, wife of the late Erick Erickson, the theorist. I studied him in college and know his developmental theory well. I enjoyed his teachings a lot. While at the barrier island in Chatham as others had described, it was cold, windy & rainy. I felt like I was on "Survivor" for the brief time we were there. Eddie hated the beach & the hot sun bearing down on him (he loved the beach as a child but hated it as an adult). While I was shivering on the beach trying in vain to stay under my towel & stay a bit dry I looked up to the Heavens and, "Really, Ed?" Honestly, I think he was just screwing with me, lol. The experience was cut short due to the weather but later, walking the labrynth and building the cairn and leaving our shells there was just what was meant to be, I believe. The sun had come out and we honored our child/children and each others children.
Ed's angel date (9/4) and his birthday, (9/22) are approaching. As well as I think I am doing overall after almost 4 years as far as healing and feeling more peace more often the pain is just under the surface. I have been having a lot of dreams about him..some ok and some sad. My granddaughter has been having a lot of flashbacks (she found Eddie that day) and Christina describes her flashbacks as "nightmares with my eyes wide open". Josh, my grandson has been very irritable. I labeled his feelings for him the other day as possibly due to his dad's angel date & birthday approaching & he said, "Yeah, you're probably right."
I had a dream about Ed the other night. It was very brief. In the dream I was talking to Ed and I said, "how are you, really?" He said, "I am well." Then he paused and said, "I miss my kids." I said to him, "I miss my kid." Then I woke up. The dream left me very sad but I was glad to get a glimpse of him and glad he said, "I am well."
Some days are just harder than others...
Love and peace to all, Linda, Ed's mom
Replies
The communication/dream you had with/of Ed sounded comforting in that he said he is well, but also sad because everyone is missing someone, including you and the others. I\'m glad the retreat was good. Maybe one day we will meet at one. Love and hugs, BarbaraWawa
Sending you gentle hugs and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
Yes, some days are definitely more difficult than others. What a dream!
Love, prayers, and hugs. Sharon
Thinking of all of you, sending hugs and love as these tender days affect everyone.
Oh your dream...your visit...I know how those leave you with such mixed emotions... I call it bittersweet. But like you...I will take the pain to see my boy. Love and gentle hugs for those delicate days that approaching...love you
I have not dreamed of Daren for so long...I crave it, and like Karen would take the pain to share with him, if only in a dream.
I so understand how all is just under the surface...Daren\'s angel date is approaching...Sept. 12th...so hard to believe that it will be 7 years...omg, did I just mouth those words...so hard to wrap our heads around isn\'t it?
I so enjoyed reading about your experience on the retreat.
Love,
AnnM
Oh Linda....tight hugs, tight hugs...no words, just understanding hugs. Love you, Valerie
I too, am feeling the pain, just under the surface, waiting to come out and drown me. Dean\'s second Angel date is Sept. 1st and my birthday is Sept. 18th. Two sad days, I would love to sleep through. I am so glad you felt a connection to Eddie at the retreat, even if he was \"screwing\" with you, lol...
(((HUGS)))...Julia
That glimpse is such a gift and of course leaves you with those bittersweet feelings indeed dearest Linda. You have a one, two heart punch as we talked about with those dates so close by and I\'m one that does feel them. No matter how hard I try to busy myself, act as if it\'s just another day it is not for me. I know this is unique for each of us so feel all that you need to and try to catch your breath in-between as best as you are able.
You are that safe haven and rock for SO many my friend. May you find those anchor places to tie up to along the way on this choppy sea of grief for respite and some hand holding too.
Much love and our ride to the Chatham was a highlight for me. I can still hear your voice (it\'s so soothing and calming) and see those chocolate drop brown eyes looking at me and most of all what I can always feel is the depth of your loving and caring heart. Thank you for your friendship. :)
I appreciate reading your journal and knowing how you are feeling and am here and I care~
Love YOU and (((hugs))) to precious Ed who is well and this is what sustains us, doesn\'t it?
Tightest of heart hugs and love.
XO Joanie
Love this journal!! Love you to.
Linda I envy you having dreams of Ed....I use to have frequent ones of Jason but it\'s been a long time now -- probably a year since I\'ve had one. I do feel he is still close by. I like to think of heaven as another dimension in the same space.
Tight hugs,
Terry
I think Terry\'s right about Paradise, I think it\'s in another dimension also and that God does, mercifully and with great love, sometimes allow us to communicate with our children in that state between dreams and waking, even for a few seconds. You are blessed. I will be visiting the sacred shrines in France and Rome 9/10 to 9/20. In each place, I will pray for you.
jill
It made me smile when you described the beach and your comment to Ed \"really Ed!\" Now I know why it rained. lol. I love the beach in the wind and rain so I was in my glory! But you are so right. It evolved the way it was meant to. I love the labyrinth and cairn.
Yup, some days are better than others.
Wishing you love and peace during September.
Hugs, Marlene
So much truth and wisdom Linda! I am so moved. And you are so right, the feelings are there in the kids, though they don\'t consciously think of the dates. It\'s true for us, too, when we try not to be so sad. Love you, Abby
I am sure Ed and Jake are cavorting around, theorizing deeply, and being glad in the golden light. Both left a son and a daughter. Such spiritual guys. Such short lives.....I am with you on these angel days. (The Jewish High Holidays begin then)......such an introspective time for me. I will be thinking of you and Ed and Ya\'acov (as he is known in Hebrew). a tight hug, Abby