feelings 6/4/17

well today just had to be that kind of day. you see i was out with my friends and it felt so good to be with them. i remembered what it was  like not to hide my true self and was able to be ok. nothing to make me sad or upset anymore i was happy for once and i felt amazing! But when i get home i couldn't stand it. because of me being in the mental hospital and able to let out something and my emotions are off cause usally I'll hold in emotions like I taught myself but now it's everytime a stron emotion comes over me it's 17 years woth of that emotion and my family knows this to be the case. 

So why am i still getting blamed and faulted for when they all know what they've done to me. everoyone palyed a part in what is wrong with me...I just don't understand why I have to suffer with this. I never asked be be born why should i be at fault for someone elses actions. at this point i've been running out of options and just don't know what to do with myself anymore i'm justed tired and wanna stay in bed and just cry and sleep forever.