feeling worthless
might be my pattern surfacing again here...but i do feel low and like if I were a car
I would need a nudge from a friend up the hill...
I know I need to be self responsible and some how encourage myself
to just giddyap and get on with the day.
my therapist mentioned something about 'hand holding' today -
which I know was in regard to what she was talking about - but I piped
up that - I get that way too...(in so many words.)
Writing here seems to charge my soul with wings - in the sense that I know
I can get going on getting the evening preparations going.
It feels good that I have you guys to confide in and I feel like I've got friends
in my private corner so to speak.
I really hope to date someone sometime again - and I guess
I am just happy and grateful for what I have but I feel so ineloquent
at the moment.
What I want to say is:
I don't feel lost in my feelings.
I feel like I have a job ahead of me
I am hoping I can maintain the trajectory of my goals
I may have to hold my own hand through the process a little bit
I will be self responsible as I can be
and I'll be kind to myself in the process
-- there's no 'defining the process'
except I am remembering a chinese phrase "life is in a constant state of flux"
So I want to be as strong and dynamic as I can be - but also
have some room for nice things that have more to do with how I like things.
Peace
Replies
another chinese saying that strikes me as compatible with the constant state of flux is, "if i don't understand, it is what it is. if i do understand, it is what it is." understanding is over rated. insert beatles here, "all you need is love."
an irony if find among my shy friends is that their perfect matches are usually equally shy. magic happens when y'all can lift your self-consciousness far enough to look one another in the eye.
Pshaw…. you are not ineloquent! Who put that thought into your brain? It sounds to me like you need a pep talk. So here it is:
You matter.
It’s good to have goals. Aspirations. Sometimes daydreams can offer comfort, other times they are mere painful reminders. But focused, goal-driven hopes can transport, within reason.
My focus right now is very granular, consisting of balancing out work stress and managing my moods. And part of the r&r part of that though maintain hope. That is essential.
Have a good weekend, Marko!
Thanks Arfie and Nikki! I appreciate it! I just thought when I came on Ds that ‘this too shall pass.’ So definitely it is what it is.! And thanks Nikki for the reminder of keeping motivated and the pep talk. I think in the absence of a known goal we kind of can’t get all squeamish.
I was thinking of my MEman today and wishing I could have a hug from him. I know there is no romantic future for us, but he is a friend...I was thinking when he does find someone, I hope she will be willing to let us continue to be friends.
I said to myself I want a hug and I need a hug....so I'm sending out what I want....so consider yourself HJGGed! :)
And Yes, A Huge Yes to Ds friendships....like you I so need them to help me keep balanced!!!
Ml, thats so nice you have a MEman. I have a schneider (like from one day at a time) but I, too, think it would be nice to join a healthy, loving, supportive relationship one day. It’s kind of a tough thing to dream about though, because it can lead to loneliness and depression. Plain and simple. Hence why it’s good to know how to manage well and remain in tact when alone. And strive not to be a workaholic instead.
Hugs all. Marky, squeamish is such an interesting word. Let’s all try to NOT have a squeamish weekend haha. xo
I'm glad I came back to Mark's post....something that's Hard To Do, yet I've read and been told to do "Think As If What You Want Has Already Happened".....the laws of attraction through the Universe to manifest what you want....
Nikki Your 'Schneider' is like my MEman....yet he's 220 miles away!!!
I hope you get to see your Schneider more often!!!
Peaceful Weekend For All Of Us!!!
thanks guys!