Feeling woried.

This isn't just some paranoia either. when I first came to the shelter, I heard a staff member saying that all the people there were nothing but drug addicts,alcoholics, thiefs, and liars. I thought this was crazy to generalize everyone there. I got angry about it, and told the staff member that perhaps they were working there too long, and should move on. I told him that he was generalizing everyone there and that he had no right to do that. I remember seeing him in the back room, and he was shaking with anger. I tried to just discuss the matter and I thought that was the end of it. Then I start noticing another staff member always coming up to me and informing me that I was breaking some rule for something that seemed very trivial. Like putting my shoes in the corner of my bed, and not under it. Once he came rushing over when I was drinking some water and checked to see if it was booze. I kept quiet through it, but the last two times got me mad. Last night I went into the back room to talk to the manager, and the guy comes running in asking me what I was doing. I told him I wanted to talk to the manager. then he starts saying something about a rule that we are to ask him. He pointed to a sign that was low on the door where you didn't notice it. I tried staying cool, but he started as if it was an issue. I got mad and told him that it seemed like every day he was making up different rules, trying to make things difficult for me. I walked away from him because I knew I was getting close to blowing up. Since I've been there,which is around two months, everyone goes into the back room when they need towels, cloths or their belongings. Never have I seen anyone say anything to anyone. so I tried putting that aside. I layed down in my bed, but I was angry. I got my meeting list and decided to go to a meeting to cool off. It was a good thing. The long walk made me feel much better, and I found another guy who knew what I was talking about. I was able to vent, and see that I wasn't alone in some of the feelings I'm having. Later I went back to the shelter, and then decided to ask another staff member about something wrong they said one night. I was cool about it. This was the guy I originally confronted about generalizing us. Through the talk I could see that I am right about him. He lied about some things that he had said earlier. He's trying to fuck me because of what I said in front of people. This wasn't said to embaress him. I had said it out loud because he had talked out loud where everyone could hear him, and it wasn't said with anger. I was just expressing my feelings, and opinion. It wasn't said in a nasty way at all. So now I feel a bit like I have to walk on egg shells. I don't like that, but it's true. I want to talk to another staff member that I talked to before about some problems, and he seemed helpful. But I'm not sure if I can trust him really either. So I will see about that later. In the mean time I'm going to try staying away from the place until I only need to be there. it's a bad feeling, but I'm in a bit of a spot because I have no money to go anywhere else. I need the bed, and food.
    So, aside from that, this morning I really felt like shit. I couldn't sleep for most of the night. I got up feeling very weird. I was nervous, sweaty, and a little shaky. I took some Tylenol, ate a bowl of cereal, and had a coffee. Later I went for my methadone and I thought this was probably something to do with withdrawel. I'm pretty sure it is. I look back and I was taking valium for a couple of weeks and drinking on top, doing coke, smoking pot, so I'm sure this is wha'ts going on. I went to the club I go to for older guys and just tried to sleep a bit in the corner. I feel better now, but my head still feels sore and fuzzy.
  I ran into a person I know from the pen. He's on parole at the same place that I might be going to. He was telling me about the place, and said they have a breathalizer to test if your smoking or not when you go out for passes. I couldn't believe that. I never heard of that before. it's alright though. In jail you can't smoke either, so I'm used to that now. I can understand too that smoking is an addiction and that is what they are trying to break. It makes sense, and I agree with it. Don't like it right now, but I agree.
  So, today not doing anything. I put things on the computer for jobs, and other things that I should be getting E-mails back, but I'm not. I don't know what's going on. Oh well, at least I'm sober today. Yesterday on my way back to the shelter I stopped in the park to feed the birds and squirrels. That was pretty cool. I love animals and nature. so today I got a bunch more muffins to bring with me. So, that's today. Thank you Lord.