Feeling Worse
I feel like crap. I tried getting out of the house and going over to Geo's dad's house, but it didn't help. We got to go grocery shopping, which I spent all my money on stuff because I was in a hurry and I just feel like crap over everything. My knee is on the verge of collapsing, so tomorrow I have to stay at home. I'm just in so much pain and feel like crap in general. The depression is overcoming me and I just want to curl up in bed and never wake up. I half feel like writing an essay for a journal and half want to just drug myself into blissful sleep. I just want to sleep when I'm depressed because even nightmares are better than the reality of what I'm living in. I was doing so well, too, and then this depression had to come and hit.
I normally call my friend vita before I go to bed, but I don't feel like calling her tonight. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to be asleep, but I'm not tired anymore so I know it's not going to come soon or easy. Tomorrow Geo's brother is coming over to play on the PlayStation, so it's going to be busy tomorrow too. Angela just knocked something over with the groceries, but I don't her her meowing so she can't be too badly hurt. I swear, you leave a razor out and she will cut herself to pieces trying to get her scent on it. She doesn't care if it's drain cleaner, she has to mark that bottle. It's worse than a kid! I have to keep all the dangerous stuff out of her reach since she will rub on it and burn off her fur if I let her. Stupid cat. Back to tomorrow- it's going to be hell. I'm going to have nowhere to go and Geo's brother is going to be over. Maybe I can sleep, I don't know. I wish I could call and tell them that he can't come over anymore, but it's too late. I feel bad telling him he can't come over when all he wants to do is spend time with Geo and play games. He's 9, what do you expect? At least he's getting more respectful (just a bit, he's still horribly spoiled and extremely rude). I'm just saying that because I'm venting, but sometimes that's how I feel.
I feel sick still. I ate chili at Geo's dad's place, and it was too much for my stomach. It was yummy, I will say that, but it was just too much. I had some chili, hot dogs and homemade fries. It wasn't that it was bad, it was just that the depression is making me not hungry, so making myself eat is hard. I'm just going to post this and lie down for now... I may update it more later, but Geo is lying down with me and I wanted to take some time and spend it with him.
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It's a bit later now, Geo and I just talked for a couple minutes. Things are kinda stressed since he's mood swinging and I'm depressed, but we are getting things worked out. I have been stressed today and last night... I was supposed to be doing this stress busting thing, but I fell short of it. I'm going to have to go back to week 3 and start it over again. I was supposed to be on week 4 this week, but I didn't do week 3 right. I'm going to take this week off from the C25k I think, since my knee is just hurting so bad. Give myself some time to rest and heal. I'm still going to try and walk a bit once I can walk better, but for tomorrow I'm staying in. I don't have anything to do until Friday when I have therapy. I can walk enough for that without a major problem.
I'm feeling a bit better mentally, but I'm keeping my mood at horrible, since that's how I've been feeling most of the day. I'm just tired, sick, and in pain. I got broken sleep last night, slept from after 12 to before 7am, then from around 9am to before noon. I feel like crap with the broken sleep, but I did manage to get done what I needed to today- I got groceries and my Depakote, so I'm good for that at least. I should be good for a couple days before I have to leave the house again.
I normally call my friend vita before I go to bed, but I don't feel like calling her tonight. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to be asleep, but I'm not tired anymore so I know it's not going to come soon or easy. Tomorrow Geo's brother is coming over to play on the PlayStation, so it's going to be busy tomorrow too. Angela just knocked something over with the groceries, but I don't her her meowing so she can't be too badly hurt. I swear, you leave a razor out and she will cut herself to pieces trying to get her scent on it. She doesn't care if it's drain cleaner, she has to mark that bottle. It's worse than a kid! I have to keep all the dangerous stuff out of her reach since she will rub on it and burn off her fur if I let her. Stupid cat. Back to tomorrow- it's going to be hell. I'm going to have nowhere to go and Geo's brother is going to be over. Maybe I can sleep, I don't know. I wish I could call and tell them that he can't come over anymore, but it's too late. I feel bad telling him he can't come over when all he wants to do is spend time with Geo and play games. He's 9, what do you expect? At least he's getting more respectful (just a bit, he's still horribly spoiled and extremely rude). I'm just saying that because I'm venting, but sometimes that's how I feel.
I feel sick still. I ate chili at Geo's dad's place, and it was too much for my stomach. It was yummy, I will say that, but it was just too much. I had some chili, hot dogs and homemade fries. It wasn't that it was bad, it was just that the depression is making me not hungry, so making myself eat is hard. I'm just going to post this and lie down for now... I may update it more later, but Geo is lying down with me and I wanted to take some time and spend it with him.
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It's a bit later now, Geo and I just talked for a couple minutes. Things are kinda stressed since he's mood swinging and I'm depressed, but we are getting things worked out. I have been stressed today and last night... I was supposed to be doing this stress busting thing, but I fell short of it. I'm going to have to go back to week 3 and start it over again. I was supposed to be on week 4 this week, but I didn't do week 3 right. I'm going to take this week off from the C25k I think, since my knee is just hurting so bad. Give myself some time to rest and heal. I'm still going to try and walk a bit once I can walk better, but for tomorrow I'm staying in. I don't have anything to do until Friday when I have therapy. I can walk enough for that without a major problem.
I'm feeling a bit better mentally, but I'm keeping my mood at horrible, since that's how I've been feeling most of the day. I'm just tired, sick, and in pain. I got broken sleep last night, slept from after 12 to before 7am, then from around 9am to before noon. I feel like crap with the broken sleep, but I did manage to get done what I needed to today- I got groceries and my Depakote, so I'm good for that at least. I should be good for a couple days before I have to leave the house again.
Replies
Awwwwwwwww lots of hugggzzz coming your way! I hope you start feeling better soon! I have days that i feel all those same feelings... i just want to hide from the world it sucks i know those feelings all to well. Hope it passes quick for ya!
I hope you start feeling better today. :) Hugs.
it\'s good that you are resting your knee if it\'s so bad. don\'t want it to get worse.
do you have to call the dr. when you get like this to let them know. can some of your meds be adjusted? Take care be well. Hope you are not coming down with a virus too.
When you feel horrible like this, the best thing to do may be to just take a couple days off from the norm and vegatate, try not to let your depression get the best of you though. Remember, it is never good to force yourself to eat just to get calories, yes, you need to eat, but to force yourself to eat is never a good idea just eat what you can and then call it close. I hope you get feeling better soon.
ah the rollercoaster ride of depression. i am sorry it is at the low level right now, it is so hard to see anything getting better. as difficult as it it, try and stay out of bed for awhile and start doing an activity, i find that when i withdraw into bed, my depression deepens. it isnt easy but may help you.