Feeling so Numb and so Alone

I miss you Mom, so very much. I would give everything I own, and then some, if it could make it possible for me to even just talk to mom on the phone. I would give my right arm for that much. I miss the sound of her voice. I even miss the way she'd get on my nerves sometimes with her controlling ways. Looking back now I understand that it was never truly that she was trying to " control me ", but simply that she was trying to guide my life choices in the directions she thought would be better for me. But even if she was sometimes on the controlling side, I don't care. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear that blessed loving voice of hers again ! I wish I could go back in time, and tell her... " I'm sorry Mom. I'm sorry for those times that we would but heads, and disagree about such silly things. " I can see so clearly now how unimportant those things were. None of that truly mattered ! The ONLY thing that mattered was that SHE was my MOM... and She LOVED ME.. and I LOVED HER !.... AND STILL DO... ALWAYS ! xoxoxoxo....

 I'm sure beyond a doubt that LOVE continues on for eternity into the afterlife. After all, heaven is supposed to be a place of ultimate JOY, HAPPINESS, PEACE, AND CONTENTMENT... SO .. WHY NOT ALSO LOVE ?? 

During very rare fleeting moments when I can clear my mind enough, I've found that when I concentrate on thoughts of my Mom's love, I can almost feel her soft touch on my arm..... and once I was fairly certain I smelled the cologne she always wore.

As loving, caring, compassionate, and giving, as Mom was when she alive, I'm would imagine that even now she would find a way to sometimes check on me.

I realize that some people don't believe this way, but frankly I don't care. These are my beliefs. I'm not looking for approval, or validation of any sort.