Feeling sick
As Jarrett's birthday approaches, the knot in my stomach grows bigger and bigger. August 6th, the Green Knights have volunteered a memorial ride in Jarrett's name. August 10th what should have been my sweet little boys 9th birthday, we will be holding a memorial at the Veterans Cemetery. I dont know how I am supposed to make it through these days. The urge to join my baby becomes stronger and stronger as his birthday gets closer...its just so painful..I never wanted to have to "survive" my son!
Replies
It is so hard...but you can do this. We somehow make it through birthdays, angel days and anniversaries. If it is too much for you to have a memorial...then free yourself from the added stress. Your precious Jarrett knows your love...and knows that you need to take care of yourself too. You may need time to quiet yourself and heal. As Joanie says...cocoon for a while. It is okay to do this...or whatever works best for you...gentle hugs...karen
Yes you have to survive for Jonny. Keep thinking about your beautiful Jonny, he is your reason for going on. You\'ll see Jarrett again, but not yet. You have to be strong for Jonny. I\'m praying for you. Sending love, Terry
You MUST survive. This is not an option. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays....these are things parents who lost a child or (God forbid) children DREAD. I\'ve survived my daughter\'s birthday (April 10, five weeks after her death) and the smaller \"holidays\" (Easter! no easter eggs, she was a grown person at 23 but we still did easter eggs), July 4th..... this is what we DO, we are survivors. Jonny needs you. My heart goes out to you, no words can give any real comfort to this horrible grief. But you will go on. Anticipation is often worse than the actual day itself.
You will make it through and you must... I understand the sorrow and anguish yet you must be here now for Jonny and your husband. I know there is not a mom on this site that has not had these thoughts yet if you truly think you might act on it please get help immediately. You can call a suicide hotline prevention hotline or reach out to anyone, someone yet do not be alone in these thoughts... I am sending extra prayers and love your way and again, so, so much understanding. These days are tender, fragile and yet somehow we awaken the day after and realize that we did live through it. I am here for you and you are not alone. Love and prayers, Joanie
I can tell you that the birthdays have been the most difficult for me. A day we should celebrate our precious childrens births are clouded with heartache. Somehow in time, the pain does lessen or we become stronger to endure the pain and you will find that too. You will get through with lots of tears but also alot of love and support from us. I remember vividly wanting to join my son for probably the first six months. Then my hubby sternly reminded me that I had other children and family that needed me. You do too my friend, so hang on to knowing that you have your son and your hubby that love and need you and honor your precious angel by living and finding joy in life again. It does happen. It takes a lot of patience and baby steps. Sending you continued love and support. Robin
My heart aches for you, my daughters B-Day just passed it was July 24th. For weeks the anticipation made me sick. That was the first time I went to visit her. NO we are not supposed to bury our children. It crosses my mind every day how easy it would be for me to take the whole bottle of xanax but I know I can\'t. I have a son and grandchildren and my sister who is taking care of me since Jackie passed away. This site has given me such strength to get through the darkest time of my life. You have to find the strenght to get through. I just went to a Mass said for Jackie. I cried on the way to church just because. I cried during the Mass and after, it was a very hard day, one I felt I could not survive. But I did, just like all the moms said I would. We have to so we keep our children alive. Plez have the strenght to get through. One day at a time, I never thought I would. But I am on a very slow road to learning to cope. At first I didnt even want to. But now at least im trying without feeling guilty everyday. Love Gail