feeling sad and mixed up - but here's one goal...

I struggled yesterday with paranoid thoughts ... I tried to manage them

and build myself up to a point of strength (with a new grounded mindset ) and so I was moving forward..

then I got a text from my best friend last night -  I feared also that I made some grievous error

in my past - and yet I know she is forgiving, though the weight of it still resonates even

today and now..

I went to work this morning, had a good work day - and then when I was leaving

a lady named Annette said good bye to me from the cashiers as I walked out - 

I was kind of flustered at the time - tired and rushed to get out the door -

and then also I have to say Annette is lovely lovely but I get freaked out around her...

so she said "Bye Mark" and I said "Bye Bye" and then since Cheryl was helping her with bagging

I said "Bye Cheryl" - and just in my momentary thoughtlessness I didn't say bye to Annette by name.

I know this is probably me just being in a state of worry - So I got in my car to come home

and it was a struggle to stay focused on the road.

I got home - played with Blue - took a shower and then ran over to the Trader Joe's to buy some

weekend treats (treats for the weekend.) I got home and ate my fill of charcuterie and cheese and then

decided to go get a coffee at Starbucks - which I did... all the while this sense of real sadness came over

me and is hanging around like this morning fog here in SoCal. 

I'm trying to lift myself out of it (writing helps) and so I thought about the goals I seem to have or not have...

One goal I will keep in mind is taking a trip to see my Sister and Niece in the UK next year.

I can focus on that and save for it - and have that to look forward to..and also I want to go to the Peter Strauss

Ranch - which burned down in the recent fires - but I want to see it...

I am a mass of jumbled brains at times- -but rather than feel I have no right or no legitimacy -

I think I am just going to think about it that SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT- and THAT SOME PERSON IS ME!! :) hehe.

I have therapy shortly...That will help.

Sending good vibes, good kharma and white light,

Mark