Feeling pretty good today

Having a day off today, and just enjoying some simple things. Cats have been playing all morning. Jimmy and her rolling all over everything... she was on the drtesser doing her rolling and cooing, and knocked the lamp over. It scared her and she ran, but she knows she won't get trouble for it. She looked at me as if she was laughing about it. Im like that. I don't ever want them to feel afraid. When i was younger, my father was pretty much a diciplinarian, and he was fast to give you a kick in the ass, or whatever for anything you did wrong. With the dogs or cats, they got lots of kicks in the asses. I picked up a lot of what I seen him do, and it caused me a lot of misery in life. Through my marriage, I learned after our seperation all about abuse. Took me a long time to see it in myself, and to admit it. Even longer to admit that my father was abusive. I think that with him, he just never knew what abuse was. Like myself, he never intentionally set out to be abusive, I suppose he picked it up also by what he experianced as a child. With abuse I learned that we don't always intend to hurt the people that matter most to us. I found that for myself it mostly was a way of trying to controle things because of fears that I had based on my insecurities. The more I fought to keep things, and people around me from changing, the more I seemed to lose things. The scars I have emotionally from abuse that I went through, I feel that I have been able to deal with them, mostly due to finding the program of recovery. What still haunts me at times is the memories of how my abuse affected others. Mainly in my marriage. I know that I can never undo the past. What was, was. It isn't what's now. I'm no longer that person that I was back then. I have changed. I would say that I have recovered from an abusive person. I never want to be responsible for causing others pain. I do go to great lengths to try not to offend people, or hurt them in any way, but it's hard at times not to. From the last time I drank, I looked at how it affected people that I care about. although it was abuse towards myself, it still had consequences that affected anyone involved with me. I don't like people to know, or see me when I'm down, and I isolate myself usually until I think I'm well enough, or presentable enough for others. Just don't like them to see me fucked up. But the last time I almost lost a friend that I really care about. I ignored phone calls and everything because I was ashamed, but that caused things that I never intended. They felt hurt that I didn't want to talk to them, and they went through some hurt because of it, and questioned the whole relationship. I never intended that at all. It showed me tho that I need to look at others that I will hurt because of drinking. It's not just myself that I will hurt. I've had fleeting thoughts about drinking at times, but I don't want to lose the people that are in my life, (That even includes Bob). If I were to drink it even affects my cats. I've seen the change in them when I've fallen. They don't play hardley. They stay more away from me, and just seem totally differant. My drinking does affect them. They are much more lively, affectionate, playfull, and just happy when I'm not drinking. I love that, and I don't want to take that away from them, so today I won't drink. I like doing it that way. All I have is this moment right now, and I can stay sober for one day without any problem. Thank you Lord, for that, and everything you do. Thank you.