Feeling overwhelmed
I just don't know what to do anymore! Last week was just horrible and I went back to the doctor on Friday about my latest accident and also about my anxiety. I can't seem to make the doctor understand how this anxiety is affecting me. He prescribed Cymbalta, which I could not get filled because it cost too much. I will have to have surgery on my neck, due to the first wreck. And since the last wreck, my anxiety is even worse, not to mention the every day pain I experience from driving with my job. I want to quit my job. I am so, so tired of getting up at 4am, leaving by 6am and not getting home until 4:30 or 5pm. I only work about 28 hours a week but live too far away to drive home in between routes. And I don't even make $300 for two weeks. it just seems like for the last 9 months, I have pushed and pushed myself and now I'm at my breaking point. Dealing with Robert's loss has been so incredibly hard, as you all know. And I guess I thought keeping myself busy would help. I'm just so tired of trying to be this happy person all the time. Yes, I have good days. But I seem to be having more and more bad days. I'm tired of trying to carry on a conversation like everything is fine, while I'm screaming in my head for them to shut up!
And on top of everything else, my Mom is back in the hospital again. She started having trouble breathing again over the weekend and all she did was get up to go to the bathroom. She can't do anything as simple as washing her face without wearing herself out. So I want to be able to spend more time with her. I don't think she has a lot of time left.
I had hoped this year was going to be better but it doesn't seem like it. It's barely March and I've already had a wreck and my Mom has been in the hospital twice. I really desperately need ME time! Am I being selfish?? I just don't want to work anymore. I don't mean forever, just not now!
And on top of everything else, my Mom is back in the hospital again. She started having trouble breathing again over the weekend and all she did was get up to go to the bathroom. She can't do anything as simple as washing her face without wearing herself out. So I want to be able to spend more time with her. I don't think she has a lot of time left.
I had hoped this year was going to be better but it doesn't seem like it. It's barely March and I've already had a wreck and my Mom has been in the hospital twice. I really desperately need ME time! Am I being selfish?? I just don't want to work anymore. I don't mean forever, just not now!
Replies
I would feel the same way I could drive back and forth and getting up at 4;00am \"oh\" it would kill me. Can you quit??? I don,t think you can get your unemployment if you quit. and your mom the wreaks. If you can quit I would quit, in 2 weeks. I think you have to give 2 week notice. I see a shrink I take Prozac and xanax. Have to. I thought I was going to die when my daughter died. a regular primary care Dr. don,t know about anxiety, depression, I can,t believe he gave you Cymbalta anti depressant lots of side effect. You need to get opp. with shrink if you can. He understands emotional problems. that is his speciality. You got alot on your plate right now. You need to stay home spending some time with your mom. I bet your neck hurts to \"tension\" everything tightens up in neck I get that hurts so bad. ok Dear I,am so sorry so much stuff is happening. in your life right now. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I have been in some pretty bad situations and it all works out. love mary ann
some pretty
I\'m so sorry. You are overwhelmed. Mybe you could just try to simplify as much as possible. That has helped me. I can\'t even imagine doing all you are doing. It will get better...I am so new to this but have already discovered that. The bad days pass, the good days pass...you just have to ride out the highs and lows.
Do you live near your Mom. I got paid to care for my Mom as a personal care assistant (pss) through a local care agency paid by the state. We lived in Maine and NH at the time. I got to spend the last time she had with her and got paid as well. When she passed, I stayed with the agency and took care of other people in their homes as well. I don\'t know if that is possible where you live. I really know how overwhelming it is when everything seems to overlap and piles up. I was told once that my neck and shoulders hurt because I tried to \"shoulder\" too much. It makes sense. Then again, if we don\'t do what we think we should, we have guilt on top of it and we can\'t \"stomach\" that. Praying for your burdens to be lightened. Love, Lauri
I understand the feelings of being overwhelmed and first things first. Try to figure out what you do have control over and what you can change to try to simplify things as much as possible in your life.
I\'m so sorry about your mom\'s health issues and I my mom transitioned sixteen months after my son did and it was very challenging to keep up with what she was needing and also do the work of grief. I asked for a lot of help and got as many involved as I could because I knew I only had so much to give.
I know you have been thinking about leaving this job for awhile now and maybe get out a sheet of paper and make a T bar and write all the pros and cons and see how it looks. My mom taught me that as a child and I still do it to this day when I\'m not sure of what to do?
In the meantime lots of loving care your way and I truly hope that your load can be lightened in some way. It does feel very overwhelming indeed. :(
Heartfelt (((hugs))
XO Joanie
Thank you, ladies! My anxiety is extreme this morning. I feel like I\'m just ready to explode! I\'m shaking, my heart is racing, I want to scream, I want to cry. I don\'t know what to do! I\'m going to call the doctor this morning and see what he says. I can\'t take one more day of this! I told my boss yesterday I want to quit and I know he\'s going to try and talk me out of it, but the con\'s far outweigh the pro\'s. I just can\'t do this anymore!
I don\'t think anyone realizes how exhausting grief is. And I am so sorry that you have all the extra stress.
It sounds like you have thought over whether or not to quit. It does sound like a very long day for not a lot of money.
You sound so stressed and anxious. Is there any way you can get some help e.g. counseling?
I wish I could be there for you.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
I wish there were easy answers
This is an exhausting journey and much like the weather, storms are unpredictable and sometimes seem to hit suddenly. I am so sorry everything seems to be hitting you at once. I do not think I could have worked and grieved a child, even when I was much younger. Perhaps I am just not strong...but my heart would not be in it. Can you take a leave of absence? I think it is important for you to spend time with your mother AND have your \"me\" time. I have found it has always been best to follow my gut...
Hugs,
Leda
Honestly, I don\'t know how I\'ve done it!?! I just thought staying busy would be a good thing and instead it backfired. I\'m so tired of people saying, \'oh,you\'re such a strong woman. I don\'t think I could do it.\' Well evidently I\'m not. And they won\'t let me \'quit\', I guess I will take a leave of absence for now. I\'ve learned of several options I have at this point and instead of quitting, I should take advantage of what\'s available to me.
Hugs everyone!
Penny
Have you tried acupuncture for your anxiety, it helped my daughter tremendously. It is not cheep but if you find the right AC it is worth it. You feel all that trouble flow out of your body. Just look into it talk to people who have experienced this then make up your mind or just try it . Anything id better that the feelings that come over you.
Hugs Penny