Feeling overwhelmed...

There's so much information out there.  Between looking up information on Narcissism, Co-dependency, emotional/verbal abuse and some other personality disorders it seems like I can find too much information.  I don't know why I feel the need to find the answers.  It's a vicious cycle for example: I find the Narcissism and then I have to read about it, even tho the ExN fits it to a T I still look at more and more information, not questioning if he is one just to have the information.  Maybe some way of holding on???  I don't know.  Some sort of justification for the relationship is over??  I let things go too far in the relationship, he did a lot of damage emotionally over the years and since I didn't step up at the beginning it seems like I let it happen even tho I know I'm not at fault but at some level I am for what he did to me and how he treated my kids.  They have such covert techniques that it really makes me wonder how they make it thru life.  I'm trying to be a big believer in Karma, that's the only thing keeping me sane it seems that one of these days he'll get what he deserves, not hoping him death tho that would be too easy.  Not wishing him ill either I just know you get what you give.  
Just think I'm getting too into some information and can't wait for the summer to get here.  I got a few trips planned, maybe that will help with me keeping myself busy so don't have the time to look up more information, rummaging over information all the time.  I can only hope.  I have tons of books here but I have such a hard time reading them.  My mom says that whatever is suppose to will stick with me but it seems like  I can read a few pages and I don't remember anything about it.  Maybe I'm still trying to convince myself in some way that I am or will be alright without him?  Even tho I know I didn't/don't deserve anything he did to me.  Kind of a double negative it seems.
My kids are to leave for the summer here within the next month after school lets out.  I am going to probably visit family and friends in Texas, go camping and canoeing with friends in Missouri and visit more family in Kansas.  The trip to Hawaii is the highlight of my summer and my mom is trying to back out of it, I don't want to go by myself.  We'll have to see as time moves on.