Feeling okay today
Hello SOTH - I spent this past Easter Week-end with my grandson and my ex-husband's family who Hunter is living with. It's always such a bitter sweet time as I enjoy this family so much and of course spending time with Hunter is priceless. I saw my daughter every where I turned - pictures on their walls, frames on the tables all have pictures of my daughter as she grew up - she was well loved even though she just never knew how much. Hunter is doing good - with weekly counseling and much love from family and lots of support he is learning to travel this road of grief without his mother and as we all know will be a lifetime. I was able to spend time with him and we were finally able to talk about how much we missed his mom. He is living about 300 miles away so leaving was and is hard but I am so blessed because he is in the exact spot that my daughter wanted him to be so I know she's watching over him.
Everyday is a struggle in one way or another - some days have tears, some days I'm numb, some days I'm still in disbelief, some days I remember something that makes me smile and some days I look up and say WHY? WHY?...Coming home today, sitting here on this site, I find comfort, support and the empty feeling I'm feeling now will be helped by you all out there who know and understand. It has been Six months this week that I haven't talked to my daughter - never ever thought I could ever go that long and not talk to her.....never thought I could survive. I miss her every minute of everyday-- I love you Jennifer and your mom is missing you so so much!
Everyday is a struggle in one way or another - some days have tears, some days I'm numb, some days I'm still in disbelief, some days I remember something that makes me smile and some days I look up and say WHY? WHY?...Coming home today, sitting here on this site, I find comfort, support and the empty feeling I'm feeling now will be helped by you all out there who know and understand. It has been Six months this week that I haven't talked to my daughter - never ever thought I could ever go that long and not talk to her.....never thought I could survive. I miss her every minute of everyday-- I love you Jennifer and your mom is missing you so so much!
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Sounds bittersweet. I\'m glad you got the time you did with Hunter. We\'re going to be struggling for a while. I\'ve hit the 9 month mark and am still struggling with numbness and disbelief more than anything. At least we have each other and are not alone. Sending love.
It is an enormous blessing that Hunter is so loved and being cared for so very, very carefully. When he is older and able to travel, he will be visiting YOU.
The horrordays (as I call the holidays) are awful. It\'s a struggle for most of us but the persons we look for as guidance, a few on FMO who have been on this horrible road far longer, they bring us hope and peace, don\'t they, may God bless them. I feel just as you do. It takes time to get over a horrorday and now, of course, the dreaded mother\'s day looms like a giant T rex. sigh.
My grandkids saved me from total despair when I lost my son. I do not think I would have come around to living with out their help. At the time they were only 3 and then soon my grandson was born, looking just like his dad. Little Mikie is very connected to his POP POP, it is the same look and a connection to a father he will never know. He does bring a good light into this family.
Hope you are doing ok, keep putting one foot infront of the other.
Hugs Penny