Feeling not so free

So much of the time for me now is spent worrying if I am ok, if it is ok to be me or to follow my desires. When I got very sick it manifested in my person making me unacceptable to my family. Now I find myself in the face of being self responsible I tend to be frightened of my own shadow and my freedom time is found in the ruminations of wisdoms or commiserating with my doc and friends and family.(an unfolding mind is a safe place to be.)I wonder If it’s ok to follow a wandering mind. It’s wreaked havoc on my ability to socialize in person and entertain myself while alone but now I’m seeing the pattern not only in myself but maybe in others too? Looking back on others I can see the apprehensions and self edits. Do a lot of us feel this way?

I think it's good I'm recognizing the plain fact that insecurity exists and as well does the common need for knowing if we're ok and acceptable when certain features supplied by our oh so wonderful dark sides produce.