feeling lost
I got into it with one of the sisters today -
I was feeling hurt and vulnerable from a hurtful last night - that
they had no idea happened -
then today the elder forwarded me some messages of her
that critiqued my performance in the altar.
I took it the wrong way - it seemed unclear to me at the outset
what her intentions were and it was unclear to me why she seemingly narked on me.
It was early morning when he forwarded me these messages - quite honestly I don't
know what he hoped to achieve in sending me her messages first thing in the morning like this.
Anyways - I reacted and said a bunch stuff - and she reacted and said stuff too -
I didn't put on an emotional intellegence cap to interpret things from one self responsible adult
and the stuff coming in at me -
I feel as though I have lost a sense of things - as in "what the heck happened?"
where did I go wrong like this.
I apologized to her - and she is holding a grudge - we've gotten into it before.
Moreso I just want to come from a place of decency and strength and I am just
trying to get over the hurt from yesterday and now today too.
I'll get over it - I really don't know why the elder sent me this stuff -
How was I supposed to react?
Replies
This is how I would react. I would not judge because it's not my job to judge, and it could make maters worse... If I was told I did something wrong, my answer would have been, "I'm sorry, I will try to do better next time." Period. If the sister want's to have a conniption then that's totally up to her and has nothing to do with me.
The definition of anger is "an attempt to make someone else feel guilty for the dis-ease I feel. The sister was fearful of something, hence the anger, hence the projection on to you.
Like my dad use to always tell me when I had a fight with my wife...."Just let it go in one ear and out the other"
Hope this helps.
God Bless
off the wall question here. what rights does your church permit women?
the reason i ask is because i know quite a few roman catholic women, both clergy and lay, with divinity degrees who have admitted bitterness about needing to take back seats in EVERYTHING. they have all admitted to getting rather snarky about it.
just wondering, perhaps impertinently.
I think it would be normal to react especially by reading something typed
It's a really uncool way to discuss any sort of problem IMHO
You don't hear tonescof voice or see facial expressions
It's not a discussion to ask for clarifying if you need it
You just woke up to hurtful words
I think reacting is normal
You could ask in the future if any problems arise could the person speak to you directly so nothing is misconstrued.
.xo
Thanks Bob, Arfie and Jan!
I wish the elder had said something like ‘this is constructive criticism.’ Or something. The messages he sent were just raw and out of the blue.. I’ve been hard pressed to feel confident about this work. I just don’t know what he hoped to achieve by sending me these notes without any commentary or mitigation. Anyway, it’s in the past and now I’m in the dog house.
hey, the arf wants to know why you are saying, "dog house" like it is a bad thing? i likes my dog house. it's woofin'. REAL bitching! ! !
how long have you been fathering, grasshopper? if i've been following along well, you are still pretty new to the gig. i be wondering if the humility of a good student might be in order. just wondering in a not-mine-to-sort sort of way.
arfity, arf arf and out.
nanoo nanoo
Thanks Arfie!! Good thoughts and ideas!!
Here's one of the things that goes along with this process.
You live, work, and socialize in a structured environment without any real method of communication in common.
So, when you read a text, step back and view it from a professional point-leaving your feelings set aside separately.
When it comes to work interaction (and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that this is about work)= keep your words simple and kind. No matter what, it's a huge learning process to keep the personal out of the professional.
Here's to you venting safely and to having the courage to acknowledge this bump in the path.
You're you!
thanks Mid! that's very very helpful!