feeling kinda low and bummed

I've been not doing my part in all this. Since April 29 I relapsed and am still using. I had a on demand drug test yesterday and I told the social worker I was at the beach and didn't get her text because my phone was dead. I saw Journi today and she pretty much slept 95% of the hour I was with her. I truly hate myself. If I only knew what love really felt like then I wouldn't of done this. All my ex relationship aren't anything compared to my love for my daughter. I just wish I didn't do that to her and me and everyone else I have hurt in all this. You would think all this is enough to make me stay sober but it's not cause I don't know how to handle my feelings. I don't know any coping skills. I want to learn. I want to be sober. I want to make my baby, family and friends and myself happy because I bettered myself. But until then ill still be a failure. I pray for the 3 Within Me.