Feeling Joyful
Today is Friday, December 13, 2013. I have 10 days being sober! I can't believe the transformation I have experienced in just 10 days. This time there have been only 1 or 2 times when I've had the urge to drink, which were triggered by anxiety type of situations, but I easily overcame them. I have stopped drinking in the past, but just to take a break for one reason or another, and it was much more difficult for me. I am feeling very excited about my future now. 2-3 months ago, I did not want to live. I was not suicidal, but was choosing death over life as far as how I was living, numbing myself with alcohol. I was not living life, I was just existing. My depression was getting worse, and my alcohol abuse did not help matters. I know that getting back on my anti-depressant was the first step I took to where I am now. When I was contemplating whether I was just going to try and cut down on my drinking this time (only drink on the weekends) or quitting altogether, I realized I needed to quit completely. I am the kind of alcoholic that has an obsession in the mind and can't control how much I drink. I can't put into words right now how good I feel about this decision. I guess it is empowerment, freedom.
I came across the below quote at the end of 2009, (don't know who wrote it) when I had stopped drinking for 3 months. I love this quote. I read it often these days-one of my mantras.
"Change is in the air, change on earth, change in the way we need to live: more cooperative, more helpful, more connected, and kinder to each other. If we want the world to be a better, safer place, we must hold on to that vision. As a matter of fact, to get anything we want in this world, we must stay connected to our power source, to a force greater than each individual self, to the Infinite, to God. Actually, we are always connected. But sometimes, as with a cell phone, it's a bad connection. How do we know how good our connection is? We need only ask ourselves, "Am I joyful?" the more joyful, happier we are, the better our connection is at that moment."
Today is also my 50th birthday. I was actually born on Friday the 13th, so I think it's cool that my 50th bday falls on a Friday this year. I don't work on Fridays, so I am going to go ride my horse, and tonight I'm just having a get together with a small amount of friends, then going out for a nice dinner. I won't miss the nice wine that I would of had with the dinner in the past. I won't miss it because it would of come with having 1 or 2 cocktails or beers during the day, 2 cocktails before going out to dinner, and 1 or 2 more cocktails as nightcaps when I got home. And I won't miss feeling like crap when I wake up tomorrow morning and wasting my day off by watching TV all day and starting the drinking cycle once again.
I am feeling very joyful these days. I am also feeling very appreciative of the support I have received by the people on this site/in the group. Also very appreciative of my wonderful husband.
I came across the below quote at the end of 2009, (don't know who wrote it) when I had stopped drinking for 3 months. I love this quote. I read it often these days-one of my mantras.
"Change is in the air, change on earth, change in the way we need to live: more cooperative, more helpful, more connected, and kinder to each other. If we want the world to be a better, safer place, we must hold on to that vision. As a matter of fact, to get anything we want in this world, we must stay connected to our power source, to a force greater than each individual self, to the Infinite, to God. Actually, we are always connected. But sometimes, as with a cell phone, it's a bad connection. How do we know how good our connection is? We need only ask ourselves, "Am I joyful?" the more joyful, happier we are, the better our connection is at that moment."
Today is also my 50th birthday. I was actually born on Friday the 13th, so I think it's cool that my 50th bday falls on a Friday this year. I don't work on Fridays, so I am going to go ride my horse, and tonight I'm just having a get together with a small amount of friends, then going out for a nice dinner. I won't miss the nice wine that I would of had with the dinner in the past. I won't miss it because it would of come with having 1 or 2 cocktails or beers during the day, 2 cocktails before going out to dinner, and 1 or 2 more cocktails as nightcaps when I got home. And I won't miss feeling like crap when I wake up tomorrow morning and wasting my day off by watching TV all day and starting the drinking cycle once again.
I am feeling very joyful these days. I am also feeling very appreciative of the support I have received by the people on this site/in the group. Also very appreciative of my wonderful husband.
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